These last two weeks I couldn't sleep at all. I don't know why, but no matter how hard I try, I still can't. Yesterday was different. I didn't try to sleep, but somethings were on my mind. First of all, I notice how people always ask me for help. A lot of people. I feel like people depend on me too much. There are so many people you can ask, so why ask me? I honestly don't know. But what I find odd is when they look for me only when they need help. I don't mind helping people. I really do enjoy it. But when people need me to help them and they don't ever talk to me before just because they want to, gets on my nerves. So I'm only useful when you need me? What if I'm not there, who would you turn to? Everyone has done this and I'm sure of it because they do it unintentionally. Of course I would forgive them since they don't know. But I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. Why not talk to me because you actually want to talk to me. So, I thank every person who has talked to me because they wanted to and not because they needed help. And to the person who used me, there is a thing called Google because that's exactly what I used when you asked for help. I know I sound mad, but truth is, I'm not. I just wanted to get this out. The other thing that was on my mind was the reasons why I'm not liking anyone. There were only two official reasons why I stopped for a while. One, because I want to focus on school and two, there isn't anyone I really like. But truth is, it's not that there isn't anyone that I like, but it's really because I don't want to get hurt anymore. Every guy I have liked either didn't feel the same way or they never told me how they felt. Either way, I still had my heart broken. If I was to like someone again, I wish they would feel the same way and let me know. But truth is, I don't know what I would do after. I can't date or have a boyfriend, so what can I really do? I don't want to hurt the guy since I always told myself, if I think he deserves a chance, then I'll give him one. I'll never know, I might even change my mind about him and end up liking him. If you never take a chance, you'll never know so thats why "take a chance" is on my new years resolutions. Whether it is taking a chance for someone or something, I want to take a chance. Who knows? Haha every time I say that I think about him xD And no, this isn't a guy I like, we're just friends. But I laugh every time I say "who knows." For now, I'm just going to continue and stay away from guys until one is ready to take a chance with me. What else could I do? It's not like a guy likes me right now. Or I'm just blind. But I hate heartbreaks. I don't even know what I'm exactly looking for in a guy. I have an idea, but I'm not even sure yet. I think I'll really know when I have a boyfriend. But that's going to be a while, so I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the moment I have now. Spend time with my friends and family and do what I want without having to worry. & that's exactly what I'm going to do. Truth is, I really could use somebody. Somebody who listens, understands, or tries to. Someone who tries to make me feel better when I'm down. The best friend I never had. That is why I put up this song, because I need someone in life to be there for me. It's not too much to ask for, but it sure isn't easy to find one. I've had many best friends my whole life, but I never had "the best friend" like I wish I did. But I am glad for the people in my life who has tried to get to know the real me. Wow I sure had alot to say today xD Time to go back to watching the Colts game. GO COLTS!!! :D
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