2014 Resolutions.

2013 Resolutions

1. Work out/eat veggies

2. Be more productive/better study habits

3. Drop my bad habits & instead: grow out nails and don't be online as much

4. Get my license

5. Let go of stupid things and be happy.

Well now that 2013 is almost over, let's recap everything! As for number 1, I worked out the first half of the year and stopped the second half of the year. I am eating veggies now, but I really need to eat more of that and fruits. I wasn't productive and didn't have good study habits which I definitely must change. I didn't drop my habits either. I did get my license and I finally let go of stupid things that I shouldn't be bothered by. I do feel happy but there's always ups and downs all the time. However, resolutions are always just goals I hope to aim for. I only did 2/5, but there's always time to change. And now here are my resolutions for next year:

2014 Resolutions

1. Work out/eat healthier

2. Study hard/get priorities straight

3. Enjoy the year and live a better life.

I always struggle with eating healthier and studying so I definitely need to change that. It varies all the time throughout the year, but I need to change my entire lifestyle, not just for the year. I also have to enjoy everything 2014 has to offer and make it better than 2013. I'll do my best to blog more as well. I'm doing the 365project with Devora and I'm looking forward to that. Hopefully I stick with it and don't forget. I really need to get my life together. A new year makes me reflect and want to change, along with everyone else, but who actually does change? Nothing happens if I don't make it happen. Let's hope I'm not saying all this and don't end up carrying out. 2014, here's to new adventures and making it a better year than before :]

Her special day.

It was such a magical day and I’m so happy for Jessi! We’ve been friends for 8+ years now and it’s crazy to realize she’s married. I really can’t believe how fast time has gone by. So glad everything went well in the end because I definitely tried my best to make sure it would. Had to get the flowers ready, the cake done, food needed to be set up and served, cleaned dishes (not the funnest thing but I did enjoy it), and pretty much run around and do everything I can so that everything would be perfect. Today was Jessi's day and there was no way I was going to let anything go wrong (if possible, I tried). I would've stayed to take things down, but I was exhausted after running around all afternoon/night getting things done. I literally don't want to walk for the next few days. Wearing wedges and doing all those tasks wasn't the best idea. Especially not for 3 hours at least. I really loved how the cake turned out. Devora and I did such a good job. So glad she was willing to help me with literally everything I needed to get done cause she was there helping me the entire time. I'm just so happy even if I didn't get to really sit down and be a guest, but it takes a lot to make everything perfect. I'm even more grateful she trusts me enough to take over and get things done. It's so stressful, but in the end, it is definitely worth running around and getting tired/sore. I know she'd do the same for me if I asked her to. She looked absolutely stunning in her dress and the reception hall was beautiful. They did a great job from planning to the execution and I’m happy that she’s found someone so special. Thank you Jessi for all the wonderful moments and many more to come. Wishing you and Moises everlasting love and happiness together. You guys have already conquered many hardships, and now you can finally be together in marriage :]

Music.

There are some songs that you can really relate to no matter how many times you listen to it. Some people just don't get it, but you have to experience somethings before you understand.  It may be never or someday you look back and realize "why didn't I like this song before?" Here is a song that means a lot to me and describes a part of me word for word right now. Say Something~A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera

Merry Christmas!!! :D

I hope that everyone gets to spend the day with the people that they care most about. Christmas is never about the presents and shouldn't be about that. We must remember that we come together to spend time with each other and the ones we love. I can't wait to spend time with my family tomorrow. I'm thankful for so much and tomorrow is another day that I'll be forever grateful for. Here's a song for everyone to enjoy. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays~Nsync Good night world :]

Your loss.

Why do I always put you first while you put me second or last? I deserve so much better than this so why do I even bother putting up with you? I want to let go badly, but I don't know why it is so hard for me to. Maybe it's because I thought you were better than this. But it turns out that you are no different from the rest. Such a disappointment. I give you chance after chance, but you continue to take our friendship for granted. I don't think I can do this much longer. If you don't need me then please say so because I'm tired of putting up a fight. Sometimes you need to learn when to let go. For me, that time is now. I can no longer put your happiness before mine. Sorry but I won't be the only one who cares now.

Dang.

Sorry I haven't been blogging at all this month. So much went on after my birthday with finals and now I'm home for the holidays. Glad I have a few weeks to enjoy myself before going back to school. I really just need to destress and spend time with family and friends. I will get it to together and conquer the rest of my second year. Here's to staying strong and overcoming failure.

Doing too much.

Why do I continue to do this to myself? Why do I let you hurt me?

Late post.

Thank you guys for surprising me at midnight with your presence and a lovely pink cake for me. I was so surprised that I didn't even know what to say. I wasn't expecting anything at all, so it meant a lot to me. The cake said #HapzBdayAmy which was hilarious. We stayed up for an hour or two talking for a bit and then I finally got some sleep. They sure know how to surprise me. I went out to dinner at Olive Garden with Jesse and Kelly. Jesse said he was going to tell the waiter it's my birthday and I told him I don't think they do birthdays. Next thing you know, we hear the waiter say Happy Birthday really loud to someone on the other side which was perfect timing. I'm glad he didn't say anything because I was fine just spending time with them. Plus I got my chicken scampi :3 Thank you to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday. My friends posted and sent me the sweetest things that mean so much to me. I was speechless reading so many of them! I'm lucky to know the greatest people in the world and I wouldn't change that for anything. Good night world and best of luck on any finals this week! :]

Home Sweet Home.

It's already my last day of this wonderful break and I don't want to leave yet. Can I just stay home until Winter Quarter starts? That would be lovely. I miss my family and friends so much, but I'm glad I got to be home these past few days. Only two more weeks before I'll be back for 3 weeks. I literally can't wait already. 

Yeah.

It was nice being able to hang out with the girls today for a while. Taking random adventures just like old times felt so nice. We met up at Starbucks and even though I came half an our late, I was still the first person to get there! We went to Lollicup because I wanted food and was starving after Black Friday shopping, but it was closed :( I was so disappointed because I really wanted Lollicup too. Then we decided to go to the Hilton Hotel because someone said there was a Starbucks in there. We went in and it turns out that was closed too. So we went to this restaurant that had a bar, and we weren't sure if there was food or not, so Param asked and there was. We ended up eating there and the food was really good. I thought my sandwich was amazing and would eat that for lunch everyday if I could. I really liked it aha. Then after we talked for at least an hour and Param and Aman ended up leaving. The rest of us talked and all walked back to the parking lot together before we went our ways. I went with Mary to the mall and we ended up talking in the car for a long time. We talked about so much stuff and it was great catching up on everything like college, our holidays, the past, the future, and so much more. I was surprised with what I found out. Like so shocked I never would've seen it coming in a million years surprising. When something is going on in front of your very own eyes and you have no idea, it's just so freaking crazy when someone tells the truth. I can't even comprehend how that all happened. I really can't. You really can't trust anyone. But overall, I had so much fun today and I can't wait to see the other girls tomorrow! I'm super excited for more laughs and stories. So glad Black Friday shopping is over, believe it or not. I got some shoes, jeans, and random other stuff. Good night world & hope you're all having a lovely weekend :]

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I have so much to be thankful for like my family, friends, a place to come home to, food to eat,  my life, and so much more. I hope you all spend your day well :)

Fear.

I really wish I would spend more time blogging these days. Maybe since I've been dealing with so much stress that I don't blog in fears I'll just break down or over think everything. These past 2 months have been the hardest I ever had to deal with in my life. It's hard to accept that things have been so wrong. I'm at a constant struggle with myself everyday and it's been difficult to deal with. I'm really worried about flunking out of college and disappointing my parents. They do so much for me and I can't do the one thing I'm supposed to. I don't know why I have no motivation. I'm so disappointed in myself because I know that I'm capable of doing so much better, yet I don't know why I'm not. Hopefully being home makes me realize that I can do better. If not, well I don't know what to do anymore. I really can't get on AP again. I really can't. And if I do, it is only my fault for not trying hard enough or reaching out for more help. I just really can't be on AP and I know the consequences. But why doesn't it make me try any harder? All I do is cry and stress over it, but I never take any steps in trying to fix things. I gave up way too early when I could have turned things around. I'm setting myself up for failure. I'm in a terrible place right now.

Tonight.

I really need to blog more. So tonight was CSA Thanksgiving Banquet and also APO Formal but I went to the TBanquet. It was fun making the food and getting all dressed up. I had fun tonight and then Tina randomly calls and asks if I'm busy around 11. Jeff, Tina, and I went to go stargazing at a place Jeff heard was a cool place to stargaze. The road there was super sketchy and scary at night, but it was beautiful to stargaze. If it was less sketchy, I wouldn't mind going back with a blanket and really enjoying the nature around me. Turns out, Tina and I won the Running Man Trophy for traveling the most to IC events and helping Nick out since we're both on Historian Committee. Turns out we even get a gift card so we got one for Chipotle. I have no idea how that worked out. I also found out I won most innocent too. The one time I win something, I'm not even present to accept it, but I'm happy I actually won something aha. So today/yesterday was a lot of fun. I'm super excited to watch Catching Fire tomorrow! Everyone set my expectations really high for it. I still need to do math homework though :/ I will get it done! Good night world :]]]]]]

I have a Little!!

Meet Kelly, my CSA Little who is now part of the RRRGL Family! :D 4 weeks was way too long to keep it a secret! It was nice doing the exchanges and writing the letters, but I couldn't wait to meet her. So glad the wait is finally over. I'll be cooking for her this week since she said she misses home cooked meals. I can't wait to finally spend time with her! Also, Thanksgiving Banquet is Saturday too so I hope the corn bread muffins turn out tasty. I'm just so excited to get to know her. I hope we stay close! :D

I wish.

Can a guy buy me pink roses? Oh the lonely life aha.

Why do I miss him so much?

All the darn time too...

Unexplainable.

I'm at the lowest of lows. Like I don't even know what to do anymore and I don't know what's wrong with me. Life just really sucks now right. You have no idea.

What's wrong with me?

I'm pretty sad tomorrow is the last day of the weekend. I've had a lot of fun with Devora and Maria here and I wish we could spend more time together. There was so much I had planned, but not enough time to do it all. It really made things feel rushed and my thoughts were scattered and all over the place. Something doesn't feel right, but I don't know how to explain it. I did enjoy myself but at the same time, something wasn't right. I really don't know what it is or how to describe it, but I'm feeling a little empty. It makes me sad too. I don't even know. Trying to fight back the tears, but I don't know why I'm getting teary. What's wrong with me?

Awww.

Just found out one of my closest friends has a boyfriend! I'm so happy for her! We've known each other for 13 years and she's all grown up now. Man I never thought this day would come, since I never thought about it, but it's crazy to realize it though. Wishing them the best :)

Mixed emotions.

I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. I don't know why I'm so unmotivated. I don't know why I can't seem to focus. I don't know anything anymore. I don't even know what to do. I feel so lost and desperate to find a way to fix things, but there is no way. I know it takes so much time and commitment to get back to where I was, but I don't know how to do that anymore. I just wish I wasn't this far in, and it'll only get worse if I continue to not do anything. I'm doing the worst in Physics and I have an exam for that tomorrow. I spent the past 6 hours doing NO studying whatsoever and the sad part is, all I end up doing is complaining as to how I don't study. I didn't even try to get my book or do the homework. I'm completely unmotivated and it sucks so much because I know I can pass my classes. I truly believe I am capable of doing it, but I'm setting myself up for failure. I sit online for hours and I'm not in a good environment to study, I'm constantly disappointing myself which affects the people around me. I feel like I'm study at the bottom of a deep hole and I can't find my way out. I know exactly what I need to do to turn things around, but for some reason, I don't. For some reason, I'm holding myself back and not taking school seriously when I know how serious it is. I know I can't be put on AP again and I know if I don't pass, my graduation will be put off, and it'll cost more money. The worst thing about all of this is just disappointing my family. They believe in me so much and support my every step and brought me here, yet I can't do the one thing I should be doing. I'm such a disappointment. Will I ever learn my lesson? Will I ever get it together? What happens from here on out now?

Freaking Physics.

I'm so done with this class already.

Homesick.

It's been 6 weeks since I've last talked to my grandparents and I feel terrible. I really wish I had more time because phone calls take less than 5 minutes of my time and I couldn't even call. I'm just glad I called them today because it made me realize how much I miss my family. I started crying after I heard my grandmas voice. I miss them so much. 3 more weeks until I'm home and I literally can't wait. Family is everything to me.

It hurts.

I'm talking to my sister and she's telling me about some tragic incidents that have happened back home. I'm completely in utter shock about how low some people are in this world. How can you kill a child? How can you break into someone's home and flee with their possessions? How can people be so sick and heartless? I'm disgusted by this and completely outraged. No one in their right mind should even think about taking someone else's life away. I will never understand this. People need to really think about what they're doing. They really don't realize how taking someone's life away affects so many people. Their family, parents, siblings, friends, acquaintances, and so much more. That person will be missed so much and you never gave them a chance to live their life to the fullest. It wasn't even their fault, yet you targeted them for whatever reason. I really hope they find the people who did this. I still can't wrap my head around the deaths of the 11 year old boy or the 38 year old man. Having your godfather and your wife finding you dead is the most traumatizing thing you'll ever experience and NO ONE deserves to go through that. May they rest in peace and I hope they're in a better place now. And to the killers, I hope they live with guilt for the rest of their lives because they don't deserve to be happy after what they did. They truly don't know pain and suffering until they lose someone close to them, especially if they were murdered. I'm still stunned at this. I'll never understand what goes through other people's minds and I wish that no one would have to go through this. Yes the world is screwed up, but killing someone doesn't solve any problems. It only causes more problems and the guilt will be with you forever. Everyone, please be careful of your surroundings and look out for each other. Take care of yourselves and stay safe.

What what what.

Never know what to title these anymore aha. So today was somewhat relaxed. I'm so freaking tired though x.x Can't wait to catch up on sleep again! Went to the GBM meeting and it was nice going again. I haven't been to one all quarter, plus everyone had Halloween costumes! Only one person knew who I was at the meeting and Aman was the other person from snapchat. It's sad aha. Like 3 people thought I was Little Red Riding Hood, but I wasn't. People loved their goody bags, which made me happy :) Someone wrote a note that said "Little Amy is the best" and I have no idea who it was. Tina said it wasn't her and Jesse didn't even go to the meeting, so I'm still lost. I think it might've been one of my friends who got a goody bag, which narrows it down to Nate, Gokul, Jeff, Megan, and Andy. Or I heard it wrong but Tina heard the same thing as me so I have no idea! Anyways, thanks to whoever wrote that to me! It was very sweet of you. So yeah you will hopefully see my post tomorrow of what costume I was :) Good night everyone and stay safe tomorrow! :]

Here we go.

Sorry I haven't been blogging as much! I'm really going to try to blog more often and hopefully once a day to reflect. I need to do that more often as a stress reliever and to think back about each day. I got my Little her gift and I hope she likes it. The socks she gave me are so soft! I can't wait to wear them. Life has been really hectic I have to say. Trying harder to study for the classes I'm not doing as well in. Hopefully I can drop chemistry and just focus on my other classes. I still have a chance (I think) so I need to work my butt off to stay off AP. I know I can do this. I just need to force myself or I'll continue to suffer, which I don't want. It's hard to get yourself together when everything is out of control, but you need to self-motivate until you can do it. Just got to pick yourself back up and know that things will get better. You will get better. I have a great support and I need to realize that I can do this and I will. I knew that things would be hard, but definitely not this hard. I won't give up. If I fail, I'll try again and hopefully learn from my mistakes. I just need to keep working at it and working hard. I need to keep my head focused on the prize. I need to keep telling myself that I can do this. We'll see what happens in a few weeks. I honestly just can't wait to see Devora (who is hopefully coming next week) and my family during the holidays. I feel terrible not keeping in touch anymore. I don't want to regret it so I'll call this weekend. I need to get my life back together, like how it was before. I need to take it slow and figure out what works for me. I can't be lazy anymore. I must change. I'm so glad I'm going to counseling or else I wouldn't have seen my advisor or started on physics homework. There's so much I have to be thankful for. I'll try to write things I'm thankful for each day at the end of my posts to remind me why I'm here and why I continue on. I'm thankful for my friends, family, and Cal Poly staff for supporting me and continuing to be there for me through my time of need. I just need to brush the dust off and keep on going. If you fall 7 times, you stand up 8. I'm not going to let this affect me anymore. I will change.

Hah.

My roommate thought I had a boyfriend. Joke's on me. I was so confused. I have a boyfriend that I don't even know about? lol. Yeah that was interesting.

From Tumblr.

"I’ve got 99 problems and my inability to self motivate is causing every single one of them."

This is just how it is.

Change definitely doesn't occur overnight. I know what I have to do in order to succeed, but carrying it out is the hardest part. I can do this and I know that from the past. I wish I got help sooner because I do feel like I waited too long before I got help. I knew I was struggling, but I thought I could fix my problems. Well, I couldn't. I guess we'll see how it goes.

Welp.

Man, how I miss you.

Change.

It's the only way I'll reach my goals, and if I don't start now, it really will be too late. I have to continue to force myself and find ways to succeed. If one thing doesn't work, I need to try something new. No more excuses or being lazy. Things won't magically change on their own if I don't. I will overcome these obstacles. I will pass my classes. I will not lose my determination. I won't give up. I will change.

I don't even.

So many people are rooting for me, so why do I feel like there are no solutions to my problems?

Stressed once again.

School has not been easy on me these past few weeks. I've had all sorts of emotions and I'm on the verge of another break down. I've been so stressed lately that I don't know how much longer I can handle this. I'm going to see a counselor this week because I can't do this anymore. It's just all too much for me and I can't be on AP again. I really can't. I know I'm capable of doing better, but I just lack the energy for it. I'm sick and constantly tired all the time. Sleep and studying don't go hand in hand. My schedule may be too much for me to handle right now. Last Thursday in Chemistry, after I took my quiz, I knew that was it. I did so bad on that quiz that I almost broke down in class. It was that bad. I realized that I truly needed help, and that I couldn't keep going on like this. But I fought through it. I made it through another week, but now that I have more midterms, I'm back on the edge again. It's like a super crazy roller coaster except there's no escape. It's like I can't get off. I've been up and down and all around in ways I never want to experience again. It's a terrible feeling and I really need help. I need some guidance right now. Hopefully they have answers or some way to help me. I can't do this on my own anymore. As hard as I try, I always feel like I'm two steps back. When did life become so difficult?

Littlesss.

I'm so excited to get a Little :D There's a really good chance I might end up with 2-3, but I'd be happy either way! Still kinda hoping I only get one though. It would be less work, but two isn't terrible. I find out Saturday and the first exchange is next week. I seriously can't wait for this. I wonder what I should give them though. Must look up some good ideas. Yay for finally being a Big :)

Stressed beyond belief.

Since I moved back to SLO, I haven't felt more stressed in my life. I was so prepared to start the new quarter fresh, but now I don't feel that way anymore. I've lost the motivation to work hard and I don't know why I'm having so much trouble focusing. It's like I don't care anymore, but I know I do because I know why I'm in college. I want to become a civil engineer and succeed to prove to my family, friends, and myself that I am capable of achieving my dreams. Lately I've been given so much work/things to study for, there's a lot of APO events that I had to go to, and I feel like I never have enough time to finish anything. I'm already procrastinating and it's like school doesn't matter to me. I guess all of this is piling up on me. I'm not used to studying super hard and I guess my "studying" from high school hasn't helped. In college, they teach you things a lot differently so it's been hard adjusting. Truth is, I don't know what is happening to me or why I'm not doing as well as I know I can. I used to be a straight A student, and last quarter I was put on academic probation. I know college is hard, but what has changed? Maybe I just got lazier? Maybe I lost my motivation? Well I need to tell myself that it will get easier. No matter how hard school gets or how stressed I am, I need to overcome this. I need to be strong and manage my time better. I must not give up. After writing the first sentence to this blog, I broke down crying. I didn't expect that, but I have so much stress built up, that I can't overlook it. Right now is the time to wipe away the tears, and get my life together. I will no longer let myself down and I got this. I know I can do it. 

SLO Bucket List.

I am procrastinating, so I decided to make a list of things I want to do before I graduate. Hopefully I can accomplish them all! :)

1. Make it to Dean's List

2. Hike the P or Bishop's

3. Farmer's Market

4. Architecture Graveyard

5. Go to a sports game
6. Couch-to-5k
7. Serenity Swing
8. Tri-tip sandwich at Firestone's

Someone new.

I'm ready to meet someone new. Someone who will make me change my ways. Someone who can show me a new perspective on life that I have yet to see.

Sophomore Year.

It's already been 2 days and I'm officially done with school aha. Like there's so much reading already and I'm like why. Lots of APO events since it's Rush Week too, so that's why I've been so packed. No free days! At least next week will be calm. I need to get used to my classes and walking the long distances. On a brighter note, I decorated my room and I love it! I still have some bare walls, but I have yet to decide what to do. 

Summer To Do List 2013 (3).

1. Color Run

2. Camping

3. Bowling

4. Fishing

5. City of Bones Movie

6. Grape Festival

7. Musical Day
8. Watch the sunset or sunrise

9. Photo shoot with friends
10. Hang out with the girls
11. Hang out with Jade
12. Eat with Kenneth
13. Lollicup
14. Chipotle
15. Baskin Robbins
16. Wingstop
17. Pho
18. Starbucks
19. Formal Dinner
20. Caltrans Lunch

While I didn't get to go Fishing, Grape Festival, or watch the sunset or sunrise, I got to spend time with family, go to San Francisco, and I stared at the sun a lot aha. It's been a great summer :]

Summer Bucket List 2013 (2).

1. Get my license.

Aw yeah, I finally got my license in the mail today :)

2. Make hair bows.

I didn't have time to do this :/

3. Learn how to cook many, many dishes and sow.

I learned how to cook a few dishes, but I didn't sow at all. 

4. Work out/eat healthier.

I sure didn't do this besides doing the Color Run. So ready to go to the Rec Center again.

5. Read more books.

I've read 28 books this summer and 9757 pages. I'm so happy I had time to read again because it really showed me how much I missed it, considering how many books I read. Hopefully I can make time to read back at school.

6. Watch Chinese dramas/movies.

I watched two episodes of an actual Chinese drama when I spent the night at my grandma's house. I also watched a few more on Wednesday too. Wish I had time to watch more, but I didn't even watch any new dramas besides that one.

7. Spend more time with family and friends.

I spent a lot of time with family and friends this summer! Probably a lot more with friends, but it was still way better than nothing.
8. Take more pictures and work on my photo albums.

I've definitely taken a lot of pictures. I haven't been able to work on my albums since my mom isn't willing to let me develop so many pictures anymore, so I'll just save the ones I really want to keep and develop them later.

I did half of these things, but I still feel somewhat accomplished! :]

Last day in the city.

Well it's finally time to head back to school. I packed most of my stuff. We just need to load the car, and I need to get a few more things in the morning. Can't believe it's already move-in day tomorrow! I'm already a sophomore :D Crazy how fast time flew by and summer is almost over. I got to hang out with friends today before I head back. Most of us are leaving this weekend. We went bowling and I got 99 :/ I was kinda bummed since I didn't hit triple digits, but close enough! Hopefully, I can bowl more once I'm back in school. Then we went to Flip's and I was so full since I ordered a burger and Fried Oreos. I didn't even finish all my food, but it was a fun day. Nice seeing everyone before going back. Here's to year 2 :)

Olive Garden.

Yesterday was the last time I got to see Sierra and Maryann before heading back to school. We went out for Olive Garden because my sister really wanted their bread sticks. I ordered the Chicken Scampi which was amazing! So glad I decided to try something new because that was so satisfying. Well worth $17. I wish I could eat more. I should attempt to make this sometime throughout the year aha. The waitress accidentally knocked over my water which spilled on my dress, but thankfully it didn't show up. I felt so bad for her! Sierra was saying how in the first grade, the 4 Andrew's and 3 Aaron's were all in the same class which made me laugh like crazy. I was crying so much from that! I've never laughed and cried so hard in my life before. It was definitely a moment to remember. Wish we could have spent more time together, but I wanted to come home and pack, which I didn't do. I ended up watching Hangover 3, which was my favorite of the 3 movies. I'm going to miss the girls so much, but only 3 more months until we can hang out again! :)

I left my ♥ in San Francisco.

Yesterday I went to Berkeley and San Francisco to hang out with friends. We got there around 10:30 and the entire ride there was super foggy. We went through Berkeley which was so pretty! I didn't expect the architecture at all, but the campus was lovely. I wish we got to spend more time there. We walked to Bart and I was excited since it was my first time riding it. I could see the new Bay Bridge in the distance, but I wish we went on it. It reminded me so much of the subway in NY, which I liked. Even though the day was planned out, no one had directions which wasted so much time. However, we did end up going places, which was fun. First we went to Sushirrito and Chipotle since some of us didn't want the sushi burrito. The bus barely left so we hung out at a shoe store for half an hour waiting for the bus to come. When the bus finally got there, it didn't even stop for us! The driver never looked at us and kept driving! We chased it for the block, but we already knew it was too late. We were going to take a random bus, but decided to go the mall and Union Square. We went to Daiso, Chocolatier Blue, and Forever 21. Then we went to Union Square to take pictures at the Hearts in San Francisco. After, we went to Westfield Mall and the girls wanted to watch Insidious 2, but I was so against it. There was no way I was going to pay $11.25 to watch a scary movie I didn't want to see. Luckily, the movie sold out so we took the Bart back to Berkeley. We stopped by at Purple Kow and I got the Purple Kow Iced Milk Drink with Boba which was amazing. It would've tasted so much better if there was less boba, but I loved it a lot more than I expected! We were going to having Italian for dinner, but the line was very long so we went to D'yar which had Mediterranean food. We went to another Daiso real quick and then Bernadette and Aman left. The rest of us went back to Kenia's apartment and talked about all sorts of things. It was nice hanging out with them since I haven't seen them all in so long. We met up with Felmer, who was giving me a ride back to my uncle's. They talked to him to make sure I was safe. I'm thankful for my friends who are always looking out for me :) We've been friends on Tumblr for about 3 years now and I'm glad I finally got the chance to meet him. We've been trying to meet up before, but it never worked out. I got to my uncle's and did whatever until my dad was ready to go. There was a note on the windshield saying someone wanted to buy his car, which was really random. The entire day was great, even though so many unexpected things happened. I hope to go back again next year to explore more around either city. There's still so much to see, but I'm so glad I got to go :]

Sigh.

So it turns out Aman isn't heading back home after going to SF tomorrow. I'm praying that my ride works out or I'm stuck taking the Bart. I hope it all works out though or I'm screwed.

Highlight of my day.

Today I found out that I had a potato shaped head when I was born. I wonder why my parents never told me. My sister had to bring it up in a conversation and that's when my mom told her the story. When they came home, my sister and parents then told me the story. Very interesting. Wish I heard more about my childhood and my parent's lives'. It was very funny though. It made me sad at first cause it's random, but it makes me somewhat special :D It was Diversity and Disability Awareness Day at work so people brought in food from their culture. There was SO MUCH FOOD! Omg I had enough to feed 3 people if I wanted to. I barely ate like 1/3 of the food I got. I wish I didn't get so much since someone else could have eaten it. Either way, it was very tasty and thanks to my uncle who bought me the ticket! Can't believe tomorrow is already my last day. Caltrans has a special place in my heart after this summer and I hope to be back!  I also have to retake my DMV license picture. No idea why. I've been waiting 3 weeks for it to come and then I got the letter about a retake today. I wanted to have it before I go to school, but now I need to wait another 3 weeks. Maybe this is my last chance to finally get a picture! Let's hope so. Thanks to my mom and dad for letting me go on Saturday too <3 Good night world & enjoy your Friday! :]

Letting go.

Sometimes, I wish my mom would realize that I'm no longer a kid anymore. I've grown up and she's taught me well these past years. She can't trust me enough to be free on my own. I'll always be her baby, but she's always afraid of letting me go. I'll never spread my wings and fly if she doesn't give me the chance to. I'm always under house arrest and whenever I do what she wants, it's never enough. I go to work, I'm learning to cook, and I do whatever she asks me to, but I can never please her enough. There'll always be another excuse or reason to not let me out. I just want to spend time with my friends before we all go back to school. My dad is more willing and knows that he raised me well. He knows I'll take care of myself and I'll have people with me along the way. He doesn't set many rules on me because he trusts me. He wants me to get out and not be stuck at home all the time. Truth is, he's always out with his friends practically every day when he isn't working, so he knows what I go through. My mom goes out with her friends every now and then, but definitely not as much as my dad. I guess she's not willing to let me go, but she has to. I can no longer feel like I'm stuck all the time. Yes, she does everything for me and pays for my expenses, but I only ask for more freedom and trust. I'm forever grateful for my parents and everything that they have done for me. In college, my mom doesn't restrict me at all. But once I'm home, it's like everything changes. Maybe she does trust me, and it could be strangers she can't trust. Maybe she's afraid something will happen to me. If something ever does, it was NEVER her fault in the first place. She has to know that. I hope that nothing ever happens, but I'm just putting it out there. She can't protect me from everything, and I think that's the reason she can't let me go. It's just what mothers do and how they show they care. Mom, I'll always be here for you no matter how far I go. I'll always come back and be by your side, but every now and then, I need some space too. I need to explore and see the world. I hope that someday you'll understand all this. I will talk with you soon. Maybe even before I leave since I still plan on going out two more times, but I need to have that talk with her. I need to tell her that I'm growing up and she can't protect me from every dangerous thing in the world. There's a time to let go, and that time is now. 

Happy Birthday Jade! :D

I can't believe we've known each other for 4 years already. It feels like it was just yesterday we were back in high school and I was signing letters as Penpal #139. It's crazy how fast time has gone by. I wish we had more chances to hang out when we went to school together. We barely really hung out for the first time yesterday. Occasionally, we would see each other at school, give each other gifts, etc., but it was nice sitting down and talking about life. I wish I had more to say, but we talked for quite a bit. Glad things are going well for you and hope you're enjoying college. Spend your day as much as you can and hope to see you in December! :]

Caltrans District 10.

3 more days. Volunteering at Caltrans this summer has really opened my eyes to the opportunities within Civil Engineering. I didn't expect to learn how to use Microstation, work on projects, meet so many incredible people, and much more. This summer has been unforgettable and I know for sure that I want to continue with this major. I’m glad I got the chance to volunteer because I found a career that I’d love to spend the rest of my life doing. I’m going to miss everyone, the random conversations, and luncheons. Thank you Design Branch I and other employees at Caltrans District 10, especially my uncle for helping get this far and Nomer for allowing me to volunteer. Until next time.

Truth.

You'll never be younger and you haven't been older than you are right now.

The Proposal.

Oh man, I just finished The Proposal earlier, and it was hilarious! I couldn't stop laughing during most of the movie. I'm glad I finally decided to watch it too. Wasn't really up for an action movie and wanted some comedy. I got a lot more than I expected. I loved the dance scene, which made me laugh like crazy too. Such a great movie and a good way to end a Sunday. Good night world & have a great week :]

"Life's simple. You make choices and you don't look back."

-Han, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift

Clarity.

It's been a while and I finally think I'm coming around. I don't feel the same anymore. Of course, I might just feel like this for the time being, but it feels good to know that I don't really care anymore. That I don't feel like I once did towards you. I want to be independent for a while to find out what I want. Truth is, I may never know what I want, but I need to find myself before committing to someone else. I guess we'll see what happens :]

It's actually 1AM this time.

My latest post was something I was thinking of yesterday, but I already turned off my laptop so I posted it in the afternoon. As of now, I feel so content with life. I went from wanting a break from everything to everything is okay in a day. I mean, life's no fun when you're sad right? I feel like I have a clear head after yesterday though. Like I have answers I didn't before. So I'm glad that I went through all that, no matter how bad of a mood I was in. I found a cover of Power Trip (Remix)~Fung Bros ft. Priska after watching some FungBrosComedy videos. Let me just say, this remix is perfect and their other videos are hilarious. I'm going to be stuck on this song for a few days, I already know. Good night world & enjoy your Sunday! :]

1AM thoughts.

All I wanted was a second of your time. For someone to talk to me. For someone to hear me out. Yet, I can't even have that. A friend who said to talk to them whenever I needed them, but now they're too busy. Nice to know where I stand though. Some things aren't worth losing sleep over. Glad I finally know that now. You're nothing but a constant disappointment.

Digging deep and getting personal.

I'm tired is what I constantly tell myself. I wake up tired in the morning because I didn't enough sleep. I stay up late at night and I'm tired, but I don't go to sleep. The truth is, I don't even know why I don't sleep. Half, more like majority of the time, I'm not doing anything important. There really is no reason for me to not sleep, but I guess old habits die hard. I'm always lying to myself and I know that. Truth is, I'm kind of tired of everything. The more I think about it, the more I realize that life can be plain boring at times. And I know people will say to seize the moment or live it up, but I don't want to do that either. Because in that specific moment, nothing I do will change how I feel. There's nothing I could possibly do that would change it. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I wish I could go back to doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Not having to worry about all these things in life like school, work, and my future. It's just so much to take in that I'm tired of thinking about it. It's hard not to since I go to work everyday, school is about to start in 2 weeks, and everyone is bringing it up at least once a day. It's a lot to take on. I'm young and still trying to figure myself out. Yet, I'm expected to know what I want, what I want to do forever, and I don't know how to handle it. Sure it doesn't feel like much in the moment, but thinking about it makes you realize how serious it is. I wish I could have a break and not worry about all this, but that's impossible. I'm living it everyday of my life. It's always being brought up. I'd like to not worry about life for just a moment. To forget about life in general. Relaxing and being at peace feels like it's so rare these days that it's disappointing to think about. What I long for is something I know I can't have, and that's alright. I've already made it this far, and I know there's more coming. I'm just going to take it head on and keep going. It's not like I have much of a choice, but things get better. Life has it's ups and downs right? Don't mean to rain on your parade, but don't worry about me. I may sound depressed, but all of this is the sad truth. If you don't hear it from me, you'll probably hear it from someone else. As each day goes on, I'm more aware that life is definitely not all rainbows and butterflies. I can pretend to live in my fantasy as much as I want, but that sure won't change a single thing of what's really going on in the world around me. Sorry to kill your mood if I did, but I'm not sorry for being real. It's hard to accept, but who ever said that the truth was easy?

Flipping for Flips.

I went to have lunch at Flips with Kenneth today to just catch up and hang out. I hardly see him so it was a lot of fun. I wish we could hang out more often though. I got the cheeseburger which was pretty good. Kinda small, but I still liked it regardless. I devoured that in like 5 minutes though xD I was pretty hungry by that time. Then Kenneth ordered some Fried Oreos, and let me say I LOVE it! It's like a pizookie, but tastes different. Anyways, I've been missing out on that for the longest time. So glad he ordered it because I found a new favorite dessert! Today was definitely a day well spent :)

"To love is to destroy."

Never give someone the upper hand. You don't know when things will turn around or when you'll get stabbed in the back. It's so hard to trust people. To tell someone everything and the next day, they're gone. You can wish all you want, but you know that you're the only one left. The truth hurts and so does the pain of not being good enough. As Cassandra Clare writes in the City of Bones, "That to love is to destroy, and that to be loved is to be the one destroyed."

Today.

I finally got to see City of Bones in theaters and I was disappointed. They changed so much of the movie which ruined majority of it for me. I wish they didn't make so many changes and switched over half of the movie. It totally didn't do the book any justice at all. I honestly have no idea where they're going with the second one. I wish it could be closer to the book, but it wasn't. The problems with books becoming movies. It was an alright movie, but the similarities weren't there. The Silent Brothers and the architecture were spot on. Some of the characters were what I imagined, but others were so off. I wish they did a better job because the book and movie are two totally different things. Still sad how it came out though. It was fun hanging out with Angelica and Oksana though. After the movie, we went to Oksana's and watched Rent. It's the first legit musical I've seen, but we didn't have time to finish the whole thing. Hopefully we can another time, but I did like it. It was a great weekend and back to work tomorrow. Good night world :]

Summer To Do List 2013 (2).

1. Color Run

2. Camping

3. Bowling

4. Fishing

5. City of Bones Movie

6. Grape Festival

7. Musical Day
8. Watch the sunset or sunrise

9. Photo shoot with friends
10. Hang out with the girls
11. Hang out with Jade
12. Eat with Kenneth
13. Lollicup
14. Chipotle
15. Baskin Robbins
16. Wingstop
17. Pho
18. Starbucks
19. Formal Dinner
20. Caltrans Lunch

I have 3 more weeks of break left and just a few more things I want to do still. Hopefully I can get to cross everything off :)

"Maybe we just weren't right, but that's a lie, that's a lie."

Almost Is Never Enough~Ariana Grande ft. Nathan Sykes
These lyrics hit home pretty hard. Love sucks sometimes, but it's a beautiful thing. 

I'd like to say we gave it a try

I'd like to blame it all on life

Maybe we just weren't right, but that's a lie, that's a lie

And we can deny it as much as we want

But in time our feelings will show

'Cause sooner or later

We'll wonder why we gave up

The truth is everyone knows

Almost, almost is never enough

So close to being in love

If I would have known that you wanted me

The way I wanted you

Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart

But right here in each others arms

Here we almost, we almost knew what love was

But almost is never enough

Labor Day weekend.

This has been an eventful weekend so far :) On Friday, I got to hang out with some friends at Chipotle and the mall. I haven't seen Mary since she's been gone for a while and haven't seen Brittany since last May! Jessi and Oksana were there too and it was nice catching up. I went to my uncle's house on Saturday to celebrate my grandma's birthday. We went shopping at the Great Mall and had a BBQ. I was so happy I got to see my cousin since I don't see her much now. I might see her again in two weeks! I hope I can before I head back. We haven't stayed over since they moved. Today I went out with my family to Costco and my grandma's house. My uncle and cousin from LA came down for the weekend. I see them like once a year, if even, so it was nice catching up for an hour or so. I never knew realized awkward my cousin was. He's not super awkward, but just a little. Tomorrow, I plan on going to the movies to see City of Bones finally! I've been waiting months, and I mean like 3+ months for this! I'm super excited :D I hope I don't get disappointed because I've heard mixed reviews. I'm sure it's not as good as the book, but it can't be that bad right? (Hopefully). I'd be super happy if they played Almost Is Never Enough :) Then we might go watch a musical at Oksana's House. We'll see what happens, but I can't wait to spend time with my friends. Two more weeks at Caltrans and I'll be leaving. How time flies by so fast these days. Good night world & hope you're all enjoying your Labor Day weekend! :]

I wonder.

Is it possible to love someone and hate them just as much as you love them?

WOOT WOOT! :D

I'M OFFICIALLY LICENSED! Well since yesterday, but I forgot to blog about it. Sorry for the delay! I haven't imported the picture from my phone yet, but I will as soon as possible. I missed 7 which were all traffic checks. I didn't know you had to check every single intersection you drove past or stopped at. I still did quite well! I thought I got marked for speeding when I purposely drove very slow. However at one point I went like 28 in a school zone. I freaked out quite a bit thinking I was stopping too hard or was wayyy too close to the car in front of me. But my grader, I guess I'll call him that, was a nice guy. When he first got in the car after doing the pre-drive test, he told me to drive safe, be careful, don't get into any accidents, don't be nervous, etc. It was very calming and even though I was nervous (I couldn't help it), I made it! I'm happy :) Even though I won't be driving alone until next summer, I'm proud of myself. Yes, I do speed a bit now, but I'll try my best to be a safe driver (I am a little reckless, I will admit). Just think good thoughts and trust in yourself. Thank you to my friends and whoever reads my blog, for wishing me luck and believing in me. It's you guys who boost my confidence and help me when I need you all the most. Thank you! <3 I took one of the Microstation classes today and it was very insightful. I learned many shortcuts that will definitely help me now that I know faster ways to do things. The teacher was kind of awkward talking to me, but nonetheless the concepts were clear and he made jokes every now and then. This week will go by quick, but I'm looking forward to this entire weekend! So much planned and hopefully they end up working out. Good night world & remember that all you need to do is believe in yourself :]

Dun dun dun dun.

Man I can't believe tomorrow is the big day already. I'm finally taking my behind the wheel test after such a long time. I think that I've practiced enough, but I'll find out tomorrow. I hope I get someone nice and praying it isn't awkward. No yellow lights while I approach the intersection would make my life great tomorrow. Well so would passing my test. I just need to remember to accelerate and stop smoother and slower, be cautious of my surroundings and the speed limit, and to stay calm! I know I can make the right decisions and I hope that a few months of driving will finally pay off. And if I don't pass, then I haven't practiced enough or I was careless. Praying for the best right now and that I do pass. Thinking good thoughts! Good night world & wish me luck because I'll need it! :]

Sometimes you have to get through all the bad stuff before you get to the good.

It's been a crazy week. Things went from terrible to amazing in a matter of days. It's interesting how fast feelings can change. I just need to remember that it takes some bad moments before getting to the good ones. I barely finished RIPD right now and it was an alright movie. I watched Now You See Me yesterday which was super good! It was wayyy better than I expected. I've recently really enjoyed watching movies without knowing the plots or watching the trailers first because you get more into it that way. Well I do if it's a good movie, and it sure was! I'd recommend it to everyone and anyone. I'm definitely looking forward to the sequel even though it probably won't be out for another 2 years. Well I hope everyone is having a great weekend so far. My behind the wheel test is on Monday and I'm so nervous for it already. 4 weeks took a while to come around, but now it's here. Mann I'm really freaking out, but I'll try my best not to during the test. Good night world & enjoy your Sunday (or whichever day it is for you) :]

I love you guys!

This is the happiest I've felt in a very, very long time. Thank you guys for always making my life better! We went to BJ's for dinner and I got a Bacon Cheeseburger which was amazing. That probably wasn't the name on the menu, but it was along those lines. Then I also got a mini pizookie which was AMAZING. I've only had it once several years ago, so it was delicious once again. Then we went to go have our mini photo shoot and these were some of my favorite photos! They look so legit even though my sister took them. Thanks a lot to her too for spending the whole evening with us, following us around. I wish the night would last forever, but for the time we did get to spend together, I'm already forever grateful. See you guys soon and best of luck in college :]

Finally.

I have to say it's been a pretty rough week. I wish things could be alright, but in time they will be. I'm so excited for tomorrow. I feel like I've been looking forward to this day for weeks. Literally, it's been like 3-4 weeks aha. But yeah, at least I'll be with great company and it'll take my mind off things, even if it's just for a while.

Yeah.

It's been a very long day. Just glad it's over now.

Cruise.

This weekend I got to drive more around the city. Finally doing parallel parking and it's just as difficult as I expected it to be. I knew it was going to be tough and it sure is. Driving gets easier each day though. I just hope I remember to stay calm, follow the speed limit, and turn on my blinker during my behind the wheel test. I can't believe it's already next Monday. Time sure flew by these past few weeks. I hope I'm well prepared, but I feel like I am. I'm hoping that I've practiced enough as well. Good night world & have a great week :]

Exhausted.

After playing tennis with James today, I'm so tired. I'm sore already since the racket was so heavy and I'm out of shape. It felt good to finally work out for once. I can't wait to go back to school so I can go to the Rec Center. I'm so going to go more often now that I have the time next quarter. I'm ready to go back to school already. I never thought I'd say this but summer, fly by faster please.

Pho realz.

I got to hang out with some friends today :) I've been long craving Pho for a while so what better way than to eat with friends, which is what I always do aha. That was such a large bowl, which I sure wasn't expecting. Definitely great for the price though. I haven't seen Kevin for over a month since he had summer school but I'm glad he's back. However, Angelica starts school soon but good thing she'll be here. I was at the restaurant today for about 3 hours. I waited for 25 minutes and then ordered an hour later since Angelica said she could come last minute, which made me happy since she couldn't come last time. We talked for hours over the most randomest things. Wisdom teeth, hilarious stories (many of these), children, school, and so much more. I can't even begin to say how much I laughed tonight. I really needed some good company and that's exactly what I got. Something to take my mind off all the stress lately. I'm so thankful for my friends to always know how to make my days better without even trying. Having their presence is all that I need :]

I'm done.

I honestly don't care anymore. I don't want to care anymore. I'm over it. All of it. This bullshit. I'm just done. Don't even bother trying anymore.

Drawing the line.

I wish you didn't have this spell over me. My feelings for you are something I wish to no longer have. I've waited a long time to finally say this and mean it. Maybe it's a fluke again, but I'm done feeling like a second choice and left behind. I no longer want to know what you're doing all the time or how you're better off without me. Because honestly, I maybe better off without you as well. I know I can be better off. This attachment to you is something I need to and will let go. I can't hold onto someone I never had, someone I will never have. It's time to get my head out of the gutter and realize that you'll never be what I want. You'll never be there for me as much as I'd like. You'll never return the amount of attention I give you, but that's okay. It comes to show that you won't ever care as much and I needed to realize that eventually. The sooner the better. All those nights I stayed up, were only to talk to you. I wanted to spend as much time talking to you about anything because talking to you made my day. I lost so much sleep over you and you'll never realize that. You don't realize how much effort I put into our friendship. How much I care about you. And this is where I draw the line. I can't take the pain anymore because it's time to finally let go. I'll never get closure because that's not what I need. What I need is to let go of those feelings once and for all. So the next time I see you, maybe all those feelings will come rushing back again. Or maybe they will finally no longer be there. But either way, today is the day I will no longer let my feelings control my thoughts. My heart is hurting me more than it is healing. It took me so long to realize all of this. You aren't even to blame for this. I let my heart take over for once and it's just too much for me to handle. Tomorrow will be a new day. I hope the feelings don't come back, but I've learned my lesson. You have to listen to yourself and be strong. Don't let your feelings confuse your judgement. That is something I need to remember.

Summer To Do List 2013.

This to do list is more of hanging out with friends and going to places. As you can see, I eat a lot xD

1. Color Run

2. Camping

3. Bowling

4. Fishing

5. City of Bones Movie

6. Grape Festival

7. Musical Day
8. Watch the sunset or sunrise

9. Photo shoot with friends
10. Hang out with the girls
11. Hang out with Jade
12. Eat with Kenneth
13. Lollicup
14. Chipotle
15. Baskin Robbins
16. Wingstop
17. Pho
18. Starbucks
19. Formal Dinner
20. Caltrans Lunch

Camping.

This past weekend we went on a family camping trip and it was nice to feel like I was on vacation, even if it was only 2 days. I'm happy I finally got to spend more time with my family and enjoy nature. We got to Lake McSwain during lunch time and I sat around for an hour or so after lunch before going paddle boating with my sister. We hung out, rode bikes, played board games and cards, walking and stargazing, etc. There was so much to do but it was nice to relax. However the showers were freezing and didn't have much water, but I survived. I got to see 3 shooting stars too! The night sky is stunning there. It was like looking at a picture on Google Images but I was in awe. I wish I could see that every night. I truly appreciate nature a lot more after being out there. I'm thankful for the family bonding as well since we haven't all spent time together in a while. This was a well deserved break for me and I'm glad I had so much fun. Can't wait until next year :)

Oh yeah.

I got to hang out with Devora and Oksana yesterday after a long time. We went out for Wingstop and Baskin Robbins, and walked around in Target and Pet Smart. I'm so glad I could hang out with Devora before she left for school. I haven't seen Oksana for a longgg time as well. I haven't realized how fast time has gone by since I last spent time with them, which was about a month ago (even with Color Run). The more I spend time with my friends, the more I appreciate every minute that I can be around them. I know that it'll only get harder to see each other from here, so I'm trying to see them as much as I can now. Just have to live each day to it's fullest which is why I'm trying to spend time with people every week. This makes up a whole year without really seeing one another. I'm going camping tomorrow and I'm excited! Good night world & have a great Saturday :]

Paradise.

I went on a spontaneous adventure with Jennifer and Carey yesterday. Jennifer called me and asked to come over so I said sure, thinking we were going to hang out at my house. It turns out she wanted to go to the park or somewhere since it was a nice day outside. My mom actually let me :D so we drove past the parks, but she didn't want to hang out at any of them. We ended up going to the levee since none of us have been there before and I thought it'd be nice to explore since it was close by. Turns out it was like paradise down there. I mean it's not a beach or anything, but there were hardly any cars, an open road, and it was pretty nice. We spent an hour there taking pictures, goofing around, and enjoying the view. I failed at setting up the camera majority of the time :/ It was quite difficult with the rocks/strong winds. Half the time it wouldn't focus either, but I'd go there again to hang out. I wish I went on more random adventures like that. Now that is a great way to spend time with friends. Good night world & have a great weekend (if you count Friday too and work has been great!) :]