Drawing the line.

I wish you didn't have this spell over me. My feelings for you are something I wish to no longer have. I've waited a long time to finally say this and mean it. Maybe it's a fluke again, but I'm done feeling like a second choice and left behind. I no longer want to know what you're doing all the time or how you're better off without me. Because honestly, I maybe better off without you as well. I know I can be better off. This attachment to you is something I need to and will let go. I can't hold onto someone I never had, someone I will never have. It's time to get my head out of the gutter and realize that you'll never be what I want. You'll never be there for me as much as I'd like. You'll never return the amount of attention I give you, but that's okay. It comes to show that you won't ever care as much and I needed to realize that eventually. The sooner the better. All those nights I stayed up, were only to talk to you. I wanted to spend as much time talking to you about anything because talking to you made my day. I lost so much sleep over you and you'll never realize that. You don't realize how much effort I put into our friendship. How much I care about you. And this is where I draw the line. I can't take the pain anymore because it's time to finally let go. I'll never get closure because that's not what I need. What I need is to let go of those feelings once and for all. So the next time I see you, maybe all those feelings will come rushing back again. Or maybe they will finally no longer be there. But either way, today is the day I will no longer let my feelings control my thoughts. My heart is hurting me more than it is healing. It took me so long to realize all of this. You aren't even to blame for this. I let my heart take over for once and it's just too much for me to handle. Tomorrow will be a new day. I hope the feelings don't come back, but I've learned my lesson. You have to listen to yourself and be strong. Don't let your feelings confuse your judgement. That is something I need to remember.