I'm tired is what I constantly tell myself. I wake up tired in the morning because I didn't enough sleep. I stay up late at night and I'm tired, but I don't go to sleep. The truth is, I don't even know why I don't sleep. Half, more like majority of the time, I'm not doing anything important. There really is no reason for me to not sleep, but I guess old habits die hard. I'm always lying to myself and I know that. Truth is, I'm kind of tired of everything. The more I think about it, the more I realize that life can be plain boring at times. And I know people will say to seize the moment or live it up, but I don't want to do that either. Because in that specific moment, nothing I do will change how I feel. There's nothing I could possibly do that would change it. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I wish I could go back to doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Not having to worry about all these things in life like school, work, and my future. It's just so much to take in that I'm tired of thinking about it. It's hard not to since I go to work everyday, school is about to start in 2 weeks, and everyone is bringing it up at least once a day. It's a lot to take on. I'm young and still trying to figure myself out. Yet, I'm expected to know what I want, what I want to do forever, and I don't know how to handle it. Sure it doesn't feel like much in the moment, but thinking about it makes you realize how serious it is. I wish I could have a break and not worry about all this, but that's impossible. I'm living it everyday of my life. It's always being brought up. I'd like to not worry about life for just a moment. To forget about life in general. Relaxing and being at peace feels like it's so rare these days that it's disappointing to think about. What I long for is something I know I can't have, and that's alright. I've already made it this far, and I know there's more coming. I'm just going to take it head on and keep going. It's not like I have much of a choice, but things get better. Life has it's ups and downs right? Don't mean to rain on your parade, but don't worry about me. I may sound depressed, but all of this is the sad truth. If you don't hear it from me, you'll probably hear it from someone else. As each day goes on, I'm more aware that life is definitely not all rainbows and butterflies. I can pretend to live in my fantasy as much as I want, but that sure won't change a single thing of what's really going on in the world around me. Sorry to kill your mood if I did, but I'm not sorry for being real. It's hard to accept, but who ever said that the truth was easy?
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