Since I moved back to SLO, I haven't felt more stressed in my life. I was so prepared to start the new quarter fresh, but now I don't feel that way anymore. I've lost the motivation to work hard and I don't know why I'm having so much trouble focusing. It's like I don't care anymore, but I know I do because I know why I'm in college. I want to become a civil engineer and succeed to prove to my family, friends, and myself that I am capable of achieving my dreams. Lately I've been given so much work/things to study for, there's a lot of APO events that I had to go to, and I feel like I never have enough time to finish anything. I'm already procrastinating and it's like school doesn't matter to me. I guess all of this is piling up on me. I'm not used to studying super hard and I guess my "studying" from high school hasn't helped. In college, they teach you things a lot differently so it's been hard adjusting. Truth is, I don't know what is happening to me or why I'm not doing as well as I know I can. I used to be a straight A student, and last quarter I was put on academic probation. I know college is hard, but what has changed? Maybe I just got lazier? Maybe I lost my motivation? Well I need to tell myself that it will get easier. No matter how hard school gets or how stressed I am, I need to overcome this. I need to be strong and manage my time better. I must not give up. After writing the first sentence to this blog, I broke down crying. I didn't expect that, but I have so much stress built up, that I can't overlook it. Right now is the time to wipe away the tears, and get my life together. I will no longer let myself down and I got this. I know I can do it.
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