Why can't I?

I wish I could leave all this behind me. Move away to a far away place where no one can find me. Be alone and figure out what I want in life. Do things that make me happy. That makes others happy as well. I don't want to face the world alone, but sometimes, I have to. I don't want to suffer anymore. I'm hurting too much already. What do I have to do for it to all stop? I just want my old life back.

And I wonder...

I've been posting less and less because I have no time. School has been driving me crazy. I'm so stressed out that I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I'm getting no sleep, school is a huge blur, and it seems like drama just gets crazier and crazier each day. I'm losing it slowly. This isn't even a joke. I don't know how much more I can handle anymore. Calculus hasn't been making much sense and we have a test Tuesday, I have an essay due tomorrow for english 1A which needs to be 7-15 pages and I HAVEN'T started, I'm not done with bracelets yet (I still have like 9 more to go), student government is getting on my last nerves and driving me crazy. I can't take anything anymore. I'm so sick and tired of everything that I want to just leave. Leave all this wackness behind me and go somewhere. Somewhere nice. But I don't know where that somewhere is. This is the time I really wish I did. Today was the Film Festival and it went pretty well. I also gotta study for chinese school tomorrow. Gahhhhhhhh, my life SUCKS. This is just all horrible. I'm having a horrible week. It's been more downs than ups. I wish things would turn around. I wish things would be alright again. I wish I had my life back. Good night world & tomorrow is Relay for Life! :D But with everything going on all at once, it seems like more stress for me... Where is a miracle when you need one badly?

Man.

I'm tired, sore, sleepy, and kinda stressed. Boomers was fun. It could've been better but I had a blast. I wanted to go lazer tagging and play more arcade games, but that didn't happen. I waited over 1+ hour like for the whole entire day. That's nuts! I think a group of my friends should all go together :D That would be fun! And fast lol. Anyways, my allergies kicked in REALLY bad today, so I will go to sleep now. I'm so freaking tired. My toe dislocating during the go karts sure didn't help -____- What am I going to do? Good night world & have a great Thursday! Will be better than mines cause I gotta run 1.5 miles with sore legs. It hurts going up the stairs and TRYING to run. How sad for me. Good night! :]]]]]]

I don't like competition.

I accept the fact if I lose, but I do get disappointed. I'm running for Treasurer and Julian is too. Aileen and Jenny might run, so there might be quite a few people. I really want this to end well, but I really want this position. I know I haven't been in Student Government or in a position for a club, but I have what it takes to get the job done. I try not to slack, I do my work, and I'm not doing this because it's easy. It's something I want. Hopefully, I deserve it too. We'll see once May comes around...

Pet Peeve.

What annoys me is when people complain. Why can't you just be gratefeul for what you have? You've been blessed with a wonderful life, so stop whining. You have almost everything you want, so suck it up and move on. Stop being a baby and grow up. You can at least do that.

It's hard for me to control my emotions.

I finished the book True Love this morning. I cried my eyes out. I'm not even kidding. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't even read the words on the page. It was pretty bad. I tried to stop, but I just couldn't. I cried for about 5 minutes. The book just really got to me. I don't think a book or movie has really hit me that hard. It was sad, but it's the sad reality. The reality some people have to face. What hurts even more is that it has happened to someone out there. I feel your pain. It's one of the worst feelings in the world.

Today is Prom. I hope everyone's partying it up even though it just started lol. Have a great time everybody!!! :D

"La la la Whatever La la la It doesn't matter La la la Oh well La la la."

Tonight Tonight~Hot Chelle Rae

This song is so catchy and addicting haha. They should totally play this at a dance :D Tomorrow is prom. I hecka forgot too xD Well, Happy Earth Day!!! I could've sworn it was yesterday. I didn't even get a chance to wear my 'Hug a Tree' shirt. I realized I still haven't hugged a tree yet. Well not that I know of haha. Time to go do whatever :D Good night world :]]]]]]]]]]]]]

Tears will fall.

Today was a good day, but had it's rough spots as well. Debora told me her aunt passed away. It was heartbreaking. It's hard to find the right words to say after something like that happens. It's good to know she's in a better place now, but she was a great person, as Debora said. I'm sorry for her loss, and I tried my best to comfort her. I'm sure she was a wonderful woman. R.I.P. I almost cried too. Debora got all teary eyed and soon enough, I was teary as well. I just want to say that crying doesn't make you seem weak. It actually makes you stronger. If you're willing to show any emotion, you shouldn't be ashamed. It will happen to everyone sooner or later. Don't hide your emotions. Let them out. It's the best way to cope with what happens. Crying is just as natural as smiling, but less often. Exactly what I said earlier. When it comes to things like that, it always happens to me. Even when Dobby died in Harry Potter I cried! I'm not even kidding. Also, I finished the first story in True Love by Lurlene McDaniel. They MUST make a movie from the book. It's soooooooo gooood! I cried while reading it too >.> It's very heart touching. Their love overcame many things. I recommend it to anyone who likes a love story. I don't want to spoil the ending, so I won't say anything. But it really did move me to tears. I say you should read it! I'm about to watch Strangers, again by WongFuProductions. Everyone's saying it will make you cry. & I'm ready for the tears.

Why.

Do you ever feel unloved, forgotten, or not worthy enough? If so, why do you feel that way? You'd be surprised at how much you are needed in life. How much people love you. How much people care about you. The reason why you have no idea is because someone doesn't say it to you. Of course, it'd be nice to hear it, but shouldn't you already know? To me, it's nice to even hear it once. But everyone needs some motivation and love in their lives. Everyone.

Relay for Life is a no D: Mrs. Solari said there has to be a supervisor and yeah, there isn't going to be, so now people can't stay the night. That really sucks.

11:11 I just wish everything would be alright.

I think I had enough chaos for one day. Good night world :]

P.S. I'm glad you trust me. You tell me what's going on in your life. But everytime I'm about to tell you a problem of mines, you end up logging off. Maybe I shouldn't tell you? I don't know, but I feel like that gap of our friendship is closing. At least something is going right. Also, it sucks to know someone who does one thing that changes their life for the worst.

Unsure.

I don't know what I did to deserve all this, but it's happening. I'm not sure what I should do, if anything at all. Why is this happening to me?

Good night world :]

The last hour just sucks.

Don't wanna talk about it >.> I understand, but GAHHHH. I was hecka looking forward to it. Why me DDD:

Aren't you just the cutest thing ^__^

Psyduck. You're just so cute :D Hahaha. I can't stop looking at that picture for some reason. cough duck cough. Aha. It's also a platypus! Makes me think of Perry ;D Awwww, it's so adorable! :] I want a stuffed animal of him :D Well I think it's a him haha. Anyways, I got CSTs for the rest of this week. That means no homework, and I can make bracelets. I finished one today and I have 15 more to go. Yippee. My goal is to finish them by next Friday. We'll see how that goes. Good night world & have a totally-terrific-tyranic(idk if this a word & I hope it's a good thing ;D) Tuesday! I also wanna go to DCON next year. I wanted to go this year, but it's so expensive. Santa Clara sounds nice though :D We'll see if I can even go next year. Good night world :]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

P.S. Tyranic isn't a word, but tyrannic is.
~ty·rant/ˈtīrənt/Noun1. A cruel and oppressive ruler.
Yeah, I really don't mean that haha. Let's say have a totally-terrific-tyranic tamazing (I am so creative ;D) Tuesday!!! :]]]]]]]]]]

I was thinking...

If a person finally gets the guts to ask who they want to prom, and that person already has a date, that must REALLY suck. I mean, you took so long to finally get the courage to ask the person, and they're already going with someone else. Man, I feel bad for the people that had that happen to them before. I would be pretty mad. Should I feel bad that someone asked me to prom, yet I don't want to go with them? Cause I feel bad about that. Well, I'm not going either way, but still. I wonder what senior year will be like. I actually thought about not going at all...

I'm so weird.

If you knew what I sat around doing all day rather than doing homework, you'd probably think I'm weird too. And if you don't, well I'm still weird haha. This week is going to kill me >.> Oh man. Good night world & I hope your week will be wayyyyyyyy better than what mines seems to be :]]]]]]]]]]]

I wish, I wish.

It's 2:11AM. I haven't slept. I want to sleep, but I'm not. I don't know why. The picture on the left is a PostSecret. It was one of the happiest ones I've read today. Maybe out of all the ones I read even. I have read over 100 for sure. I just spent like half an hour reading 5 or 6 pages of it on Google. It gets addicting. You'd be surprised at what people hide. It's their secret. They have the right to do that. But it's hard to believe that someone somewhere feels that way. I get so sad reading them, that I want to cry. But I don't. Because I don't have enough strength to. Reading these makes me feel weak, vulnerable. Honestly, I don't know if that's good or bad. http://www.postsecret.com/ Read them for yourself. Spread the word. Do what you want. I always wanted to send a secret, but will I? I find this so interesting. But people have enough guts to send their secrets. Even if people don't know who you are. It's someone out there. Someone who may even feel the exact same thing you do. You'd be surprised at what you read. It may even be heart-breaking...

The truth hurts.

It always has, and always will.

I'm blinded by the good in people. I choose not to see the bad in them. One of the biggest mistakes I have made.

You know what?

I'm sucking it up and moving on. I don't need unhappiness in my life. I have enough of that as is. It's time I act happy and carefree again. I always have been, but this time, I really mean it.

This world.

Society is so messed up. It's not even funny.

I feel like a stalker sometimes. It even gives me the creeps.

You will never know a person until you get to talk to them.

People will surprise you a lot in life. Don't be too shocked.

I hate that I can't stop judging people. I wish there was a switch or something.

I wish I was more out there and confident. I think we all want to be.

I don't know why, but little phrases like these make me happy.

This is hard to explain, but I'm just weird like that.

I never said that people had to accept me.

I only have to accept myself.

Your opinion doesn't matter to me.

I'm in control of my life.

No one can tell me otherwise.

Good night~

:]

What starts off good, ends off bad.

Today was the trip to UC Davis and Sac State. I gotta say, I really did like UC Davis. I'm planning on applying there. That reminds me, I should look up what you need to get in :D Hmmm, I just need to improve SATs. I really gotta study a lot more. Especially for reading and writing. Man, those were bad. I need at least 500 in each section. That would be so much better. Anyways, the bus ride was crazy! Literally, we were driving through UC Davis, lost haha. Bikers were all o.o, we had to reverse so many times cause we couldn't get out, and ran over round abouts haha. That was hilarious. We made quite an entrance haha. There were just so many bikes everywhere! One girl even fell off her bike D: They had this double decker bus too. I really wanted to ride in it ;D It looked so cool and it was imported from London! I had a good day. No souvenuir from the bookstore since everything was so expensive. Oh well. Sac State was pretty cool. It was much smaller with less people. There was hardly anyone haha. Man, I'm so tired. I think I will hit the hay. Tutti Fruitti was good as always and Food4Less was ehhh. I'm not getting that every again haha. It was a huge waste too -______- I'm a horrible person. I really am. I may be nice and all, but I think I'm a horrible person. I really don't feel like talking about it, but yeah. I'm just a bad person. And I got sick. I'm pretty sure I deserve it though. Anyways, I have so much hw for this weekend >.> I really don't think I will finish, but I am pushing myself so no computer until I'm done with all my math hw. Then I can do my essay, or maybe my essay first. Great I need the computer for my essay. We'll see. I even gotta make bracelets too. So many left >.< Anyways, I'ma hit the hay. My feet are going to kill me tomorrow. Good night :]]]]]]]]]

You gave up on me when times were hard.

I wish it wasn't true, but it is...

Not getting enough sleep, I'ma say it, sucks butt ;D
Don't take that offensively in any way.

You'd be surprised.

11:11 I wish for a great day tomorrow.

It's going to be the UC Davis/Sac State field trip :D Woot woot. Finally, a day away from school and hanging out with friends, though I do that everyday, but the more the merrier ^__^ Hopefully I can find my sister an awesome keychain and one for myself as well :D Then there's the culture cuisine. I'm looking forward to that ;D Flan sounds awesome haha. I haven't had it for the longest. But I do havta say, El Pollo Loco has really good flan :D I had enough for one night. I'm out. I found a song I was looking for, though I didn't find the other one D:< Man, it feels like I been searching it for years D: Sad face! Good night world & it's fridayyyyyyy :D No, I'm not referencing to the song lol :]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

It's too late it's too late you got another one coming and it's gonna be the same.

Stuck in my head haha. Eat That Up, It's Good For You~Two Door Cinema Club. Sorry, I'm really lazy to look up the song right now. I didn't post yesterday cause I was so tired I couldn't stay online any longer. I went to sleep at 1:00 AM (horrible procrastination btw) because I needed to type up my history notes. I payed the price today cause in calculus I kept wanting to sleep SO BAD, but I obviously couldn't. I yawned and that made me happy so I can close my eyes aha. Yeah, it wasn't good. I didn't buy coffee either, so I made it through the day :D Go me haha. Debora, Pan, and I went to the office and Lollicup. It was fun :D I haven't gotten Lollicup in the longest time and we talked about some interesting things like driving and boys. I got like 6 hugs today haha. It was nice ;D Me like hugs ^__^ My sister got sick D: No idea how. I hope she gets better fast! Very fast. Everyone's getting sick though D: Must be the season for getting sick that's finally rolling in. That's not good. I'm trying to be sick-free this whole year. We'll see how that turns out. Dumb moment of the day: "He drives?" Hahaha. I was talking to Debora about someone and I totally forgot he had a car! I felt so stupid afterwards. Oh and Valerie's friend has a big head ;D Just saying haha. No offense of course. American Idol was okay. Not as good after Pia left >.> Anyways, I really don't wanna stay up late like yesterday and I have a test for anthropology tomorrow. This is gonna be so much fun. Not. Good night world & have a tingly thursday hahaha. Yeah that was a fail. I couldn't come up with anything that would make more sense haha. Good night :]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

15 more to go.

I have 15 more bracelets to make and hopefully finish by the 22. That's huge >.> If I work on one everyday, I still won't finish by then. I hope a miracle happens. I hate to keep people waiting >.< Well, no one said this was gonna be easy, but it's worth it for the cause. The flowers are so pretty ^__^ I should really finish studying for calc. Got a test tomorrow. Oh the fun of derivatives. Not really haha. I miss one day and everythings a huge blur. Wish me luck, I'll sure need it. R.I.P. to the church's sister. I may not have known who you are, but you will be missed. You are in a better place now. Good night world & have a great week! :]

Incredible.

Oh yeahhhh, I made that flower :3 So prettayyyy :D Anyways, I have my plan for graduation gifts! Woot woot. It's gonna be SO much easier/faster than making bracelets haha. I can't wait! So I tried the origami roses and literally failed. You really don't want to see the one I made haha. It's okay. Hopefully she likes this flower better :D It's so cool though hahaha. Cheaper and more convienent. Less time to spend as well. It's gonna be up to her in the end. Today I went to the Cherry Blossom Festival! Oh, how ironic. Picture of a cherry blossom right there ;D What a coinkydink ;D Idk how I should spell that but it makes sense in person xD Dude, the festival was so cool! Though I wish I had more time to actually watch the festival. If only the parade was today and not tomorrow. It's all good. I still got a taste of the Japanese culture, which is all I really wanted. Man, the train ride was very exciting. Wish we could have more to do though. Sat next to Debora and she got the window seat D:< But it was her first time and I could still see the view so I was okay after I realized it wasn't even that bad! Hahaha. But I got window seat on the bus ;D I saw the most amazing bridges too. Omg, today was like my day, except how I almost lost my phone again >.> Yeah, I'll talk about that later haha. The bus ride was more sightseeing and the walk that felt like 1 hour was probably like 30 minutes. I don't know. my feet were in so much pain that I didn't want to pay attention. And I was looking for slug bugs ;D But, we finally got there! Man, the first thing I did was look for Paper Tree! It was much better than I had imagined it to be :3 <-- that face doesn't look too happy. ^__^ There we go! Hahaha. Anyways, I just HAD to go in :D I was too excited haha. I ended up getting origami paper, origami star paper, and a free eraser that looked like a pineapple ;D I gave it to my sister. We got to browse around at the malls after that. I ended up getting a picture with Hello Kitty. Lunch took wayyyyyyyy too long. Service wasn't the best, but the food was pretty good. Especially the Miso Soup. That was so tasty for me ^__^ It was very filling :D After all the wandering and getting lost for like 5 minutes -____-, we went to Westfield Mall. The bus ride there was crazy! I'm not even kidding. First, Param's phone got ran over by the bus before ours. That was just sad watching it get run over and not being able to do anything. At least it sorta works. Man the mall is HUGE. But not as big as LA's ;D Still it was massive. Very overwhelming. I wish I actually had time to shop! I probably would've gotten a lot more. I got sunglasses from Forever 21 :D I really like them. Cause they have some pink and they're the comfy ones too. I tried some on at Icing with Debora before but they were like $14 I think. Still, I got them and my mom didn't complain, too much :D Win-win. Woot woot haha. We wandered the 3 story Forever 21, 7 layered mall with kabillion stores, and I had some Haagen Dazs. That place costs a WHOLE LOT! Freaking more than my sunglasses! I think. It's equal. Next time, I'm so not getting that. I should've gotten the necklace or something ;D But anyways, hmm, I should get the one at Tilly's if they have it still. I really like it ^__^ Moving on, I wish I remembered that stand outside the mall selling bracelets. Dang, I couldn't find one for my sister. If only I remembered D: There were hecka people just everywhere! Many guys ;D There was this one guy that just kept staring, and I mean kept staring forever, and I'm just thinking "LOOK AWAY ALREADY!!!" Aha. It was kinda awkward. I think I got too many stares. Even from the elderly >.< One guy looked like my cousins cousin! I was afraid to say something in case it wasn't him, but they looked alike. Ahhh, this day was crazy! Man, I wish we had more field trips like this. That would be awesome. I say next year we all go but spend the weekend there so we can all hang out and shop without rushing. A good day out of town. I'd really enjoy that. Today was amazing. I mean that. Even playing card games was hilarious. Debora kept on losing and wanting to hurt Gabe, and me and Anthony were just watching and winning ;D Haha. I just think Debora wasn't paying attention aha. I thought I was last to hit the cards like twice when we played Nervous, but I guess not. Oh well haha. I didn't lose badly :D Well, it's 1:10 and I woke up at 7:30, so I'ma pass out asap haha. Good morning world & have a great Sunday! Now I gotta start finishing homework and start preparing for 2 tests and an essay. Oh the excitement *sarcasm* ;D Hasta La Vista :]]]]]]]]]]]

Bouncing off the walls...

That is what I was feeling not too long ago. I was looking up nearby stores by the Cherry Blosson Festival and I found this place called Paper Tree. They sell hecka origami paper! I'm like SOOOOOO excited on top of how excited I already was. And then I might make roses for a friend, which are SUPER PRETTY! If I don't end up making them for her, well I'd make them for myself. They're so pretty :3 I so want to learn now :D First bracelets and now roses. What's next? Aha. I'm always up for a challenge. That is not my photo, just got it off from Google. Thank you to whoever took that photo and made the roses. It's so nice :D Tomorrow, I'ma have a blast!!! Good night world & I hope you have a lovely day weekend :]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

Now I know the real you.

Truth is, I'm disappointed. We were once best friends and now you won't even talk to me. I expect too much from people. But is it that hard to talk to someone? I feel like some people are always letting me down nowadays. What kind of friendship is that? I don't know about you, but it's pretty messed up to me. I'm glad that I have those friends that I can always count on. No matter what the situation is, I'm not bored or disappointed. Those are true friends and they are pretty rare. But when you find them, you look to them in your time of need. Or just when you need someone to be there for you. Whatever the case is, I realized who I can truly rely on. It's sad that it took me this long to notice it, but at least I'll stop hurting. The sad part is, you guys have no idea what goes on. No idea... I don't even think I talk about everything in my posts. I mean I post A LOT already xD, but it's never everything. Well I'm sure you don't want to read everything, but I blog to express my feelings, yet I don't even blog it all. The truth is, maybe I'm afraid of the world to read of what I'm feeling. I will say that I'm not even 100% sure all the time of how I'm feeling myself. But this eases the pain. It really does. I'm just glad I don't have serious problems xD I feel like I should rant soon haha. It's been a while since I did that. Now all I need is a topic. We'll see how that goes. One more day and the week is finally over. Oh the joy :D

11:11 I wish things will go right now. Seems like some things are going pretty bad. (Wow, I wrote that with my eyes closed and there's no error :O Something is wrong with me haha) :]

YEAHHHH ;D

Surprise surprise. I found my phone. It was in my mom's car. Exactly where I thought it was gonna be. I had a dream last night where I found it by the door, but it ended up being in the middle. Anyways, I'm happy. But the times are all jacked. It says AM instead of PM and vice vera for my calls. I can't change it back either. My phone went wack overnight >.> I'm just glad I didn't lose it lose it!! :D So I never got to say all the exciting things that happened yesterday. It was a CRAZY day haha. After furlough days, everyones all ehh about going back to school. Surprise 1: We ran the mile. I actually ran well. Like I paced myself and I didn't stop cause my stomach didn't hurt! My stomach ALWAYS hurts. I didn't eat before either, well I didn't know we were gonna run, but still. I breathed in and let it out through my mouth and it really helped! I usually do that starting the second lap cause I get super tired, but this time, I did that the whole time. Only my legs hurt. REALLY BAD. I can barely walk up and down the stairs >.> But yeah, I finished at 11:42 :D That's like one of my best times. I even ran a WHOLE lap without stopping. You have NO IDEA how HARD that is for me. I can barely run half before getting ready to pass out. And I finished like 6th :D That's improvement. Or cause no one else wanted to run so they slacked haha. Either way, I'm proud of myself, but my legs are killingggggg me D: Surprise 2: Blackouttttttt. On our way back to the locker room, there was a blackout throughout the school. Man, you don't know how scary it is going into the locker room with NO LIGHTS. It's freaking scary as heck. Man, I felt blind. I'm not even kidding. And I don't have horrible eyesight. Which is bad. Good thing I have some senior friends or else all my stuff would've been there still. It was bad. Surprise 3: We got to go home early and skip 4th period :D I ended up going to Tutti Fruitti and the park with my friends. Fun fun day :D Yeah, I lost my phone, which sucked, but I found it :D Today had it's ups and downs. Ups: gave people their bracelets, excited for the field trips, finished english 1A homework EARLY :D, found my phone, and my day didn't suck. Downs: Pia went home on American Idol (I hecka thought she would make Top 3), I felt hecka bad that I couldn't go to Food 4 Less with Debora today >.> I'm a bad friend, and I think that's it. I sure hope so. I had enough bad for one day. It was a good day I have to say. Just the bad things were pretty big. Well, for me anyways. Still got 11 bracelets left to do. Will do Sunday. Hopefully. I'm so looking forward to Saturday! 5 hours to wanderrrrr :D And a train/bus ride. I'm HECKA excited. It better not rain xD Tomorrow's gonna be acting. Woohoo? I'm kinda excited. Just I don't have all the props, so hopefully I can improvise. I feel like you're ignoring me after what happened. You said that you want to talk more since we don't and after I said no, you've been ignoring me. How messed up. I thought you were better than that. You were right. I think I forgive people too easily. And this time, I'm paying the price for it. Whatever, I don't care anymore. It's time I forgot about you. Everyone said Happy Birthday after I did ;D At least people know. I can't forget since it's the same day as my dads bday ;D I just wanted to say Happy Birthday Crystal and to my Dad :D I love youuuuu<33333 :] I think I blogged enough for one day aha. Good night world & have a great Friday :]]]]]]]]]]]]

P.S. GG. Hahahaha. "Good game". Man you're like my best guy friend =]

Omgggggg.

English was so much fun since it was cancelled. Omg, I think I left my phone in my mom's car and I can't get it back till AFTER SCHOOL tomorrow. I'm screwed. I looked for it everywhere and it's not in my backpack or my room. If it's not in the car, then I'm SCREWED. Not even kidding. There's like no where else it can be. I had it after we went to Target and I think I was holding it in the car. Omggggg, I'm LOSING MY MIND right now cause of this. I don't think I said this enough yet: I'm screwed. Well I hope your day is WAY better than mines. Right when I think everythings perfect, something SO BAD has to happen. Whyyyyy man, whyyyyyyy D:

Good night world :] <== so fake right now =/

:]

11:11 I hope English will be fun tomorrow :D
Good night world & have a fantastic day :]

I can't believe it.

It's been one year. 365 days. 8760 hours. 525,600 minutes. 31,536,000 seconds. (Yes I looked all that up ;D) I can't believe it's been that long. Time just flies by.

I like this definition.

Someone with a sweet disposition is gentle, hard to anger, always happy and even tempered. does not speak harshly about anyone else, looks on the bright side and is never depressed or irritable.

Not to be conceited or anything, but this is like the definition of me xD Someone posted this on Facebook and it reminded me of the song. Man, I love it haha :]]]]]]]

Home sweet home.

So glad to be home. I only had one class today and I got to leave. Fun hanging out with Oksana even if it was just like 15 minutes haha. My buddy :D Anyways, a spider has been living under our sofa for idk how long. It's gross and has big red eyes o.o I freaked out and ran away xD I hate spiders, but that's me :D Hahaha. Anyways, gonna go work on some bracelets. Have a spider-free day, unless you see them everyday, well then I'd hate to be you ;D

Well...

After what happened early, I'm kind of lost for words now. But I do want to say Happy Birthday Aman! I hope you have a great one :D Now, I just want to sleep and forget about everything. I can't believe I passed out earlier and took a nap. I came home, cleaned around the house, and watched movies/tv all day while making bracelets :D Still feels like break aha. Break has helped me get my sleep back, but school is gonna slowly take that away >.> I just wanna run, hide it away... Good night world & I hope your day will be better than how mines ended off yesterday :]

Life can be pretty hard.

It's sad to witness or hear about things that you don't want to be true. You just keep wishing it wouldn't happen, or it would be in the back of your mind. Sometimes, you can't control life. It just goes its own way. No matter good or bad, it's going to happen. Life has its surprises every now and then. It's never guaranteed to be good, but you gotta face it. It's just the way of life. I wish I didn't have to hear it today. I really didn't. But it happened. I couldn't control it or stop it, no matter how much I wanted to. Thats the problem with reality. Something can hurt you so bad, yet you have to suffer. There's no way around it. So, that's what I have to do. I have to face it. I have to live with it for the rest of my life. I wish things didn't have to be like this, but it does. I'm sure you're wondering what happened. Here it goes:

My cousin has autism. He's had it as long as I could remember. At first, I never knew what was wrong. He seemed so normal, like any other kid in the world. But I eventually learned. When I understood what was going on, it hurt me a lot. It's not easy at all. My whole family has suffered. It seems to be getting worse. Very serious too. I wish I could do something. I wish I could change it. I wish he could be normal like other kids. But he can't. He may never be able to live a normal life. That hurts me so much inside. I'm in tears right now. It's heartbreaking for me knowing that I can't do anything. I get to live such a wonderful life while some people would do anything to live a normal life, even for just a day. This really kills me inside. I don't even remember the last time I had tears like this. You don't know how much this affects me. It hurts me so much to have to watch or hear about this and not be able to do anything about it. I never felt so weak before. I have nothing left to say, but people with autism are just like any other human being. They may have disabilities, but it doesn't mean they are very different from us. Some people need to grow up and get a life. They need to stop judging and start accepting others. It kills me when people make fun of someone who has a disability. It's just so sick and wrong. Stupid jerks.

11:11 I wish the best for my cousin, I really really do.

Phew.

11:11 I wish for it to be a relaxed week and to finish the bracelets very very soon.

Well today I made bracelets, watched tv/movies, and did some homework. My arm is dying from making bracelets. Finally going back to school tomorrow. Kinda bummed that break is over. Thank goodness it's a furlough day though :D Get to take the day off basically. I'm not going to the park tomorrow, though I kinda wish I could. I think I will stay home this week, until Saturday at least ;D I'm super excited. A day out of town and I get to just hang out all day with friends, hopefully with no worries. As long as I read up to chapter 82 in Life of Pi by Friday, then I will be all set! :D I hope for a good week. Also, Taylor Swift won Entertainer of the Year at the ACMs :D Good night world & have a great Monday :]]]]]]]]]]]]

"Have you ever had the feeling your drawn to someone?"

Boyfriend~Big Time Rush

Today was great :D Chinese School went well even with the 32 words we had for dictation. Yeee, my brain did die on me a few times though >.< I forgot like 5 words. At least she was nice to us today :D Anyways, I finished 3 bracelets today! Technically, 2.5, but still. New record. I'm on the 10th one. I think I might be able to finish this all by Wednesday. Well, at least 3/4 of the ones that people from school requested. If not, then I'll post something saying I'll have them done by next week. Tomorrow's the last day of break D: How sad. Means I gotta do some homework ;D I haven't really done any. All I have is Calculus and Anthro so that's good. Not too much at least. Spent the night/morning watching A Cinderella Story with my mom and sister. That was very funny ;D My sister and mom sure laugh A LOT. Hahaha. Now I know why my sister can't stop laughing at times lol. Anyways, today went pretty well. I'm so sleepy. Last day to really sleep in. Oh, I chose that song because I was watching the Kids Choice Awards and they performed that song and that line was stuck in my head. That makes me wish there were more asian guys at my school, or at least some guy I am willing to fall for haha. But it's all good. I love BTR. They're like my 3rd favorite band ;D Good morning world & have a little fun tomorrow :]]]]]]]]]]]]]

P.S. People will doubt you in life, but you have to prove them wrong. {A short motivational thought stuck in my head for the past few hours xD}

Sooooo funny.

***** (11:32:03 PM): they will be like

***** (11:32:05 PM): dayuum amy

***** (11:32:06 PM): u got bigger

***** (11:32:08 PM): and look

Amy:] (11:32:10 PM): LOL

***** (11:32:10 PM): more manlier 

***** (11:32:12 PM): hahaha

Amy:] (11:32:14 PM): xDDDDDD

***** (11:32:20 PM): and then they will say

***** (11:32:24 PM): Ur head got bigger

***** (11:32:26 PM): Hahahaha

Amy:] (11:32:27 PM): hahaha

Amy:] (11:32:37 PM): "you look MUCH MORE different" LOL

;D I have the funniest friends. I'm not even kidding. Good night world :]

Picnic.

So today some of my classmates and I went out for a picnic. It was a very nice day today too :D It was great seeing everyone since I haven't gone anywhere after break started. Everyone did seem a little older haha. But it was just a relaxing day. I wish I could've stayed longer, but I'm always leaving early at everything. I can't wait till I can drive :D Maybe I can actually stay at places longer, nonetheless, go to places. I couldn't have asked for a better day. Debora FINALLY tried the pizza goldfishes >:D Mission accomplished haha. Overall, it was a really really good day. I wouldn't change much from it :]]]]]]]

April Fools :D

This is my 200th post! ;D So, today is April Fools. Hecka people are pranking and what not aha. It's pretty interesting. I'm not sure if I should prank anyone. Hmmm, we'll have to see ;D Listening to Come On Get Higher~Matt Nathanson. Such a cute song. Well I need some sleep for tomorrow, I mean later on today aha. Good morning world & watch out for those pranksters haha :]]]]]]]]]]]