You never really know someone.

I was scrolling through my news feed when I came across a post from someone I knew in middle school. I talked to him every now and then with the occasional hi. We were friends I guess you could say, but we didn't really talk much. He was a nice guy, but he was picked on by other classmates. I never got to know him very well, but I knew enough by seeing him at school and talking to him every now and then. So this post was about his older sister who passed away when she was 7 months old. It broke my heart reading that post because I never knew that about him. I mean, it's not something people would bring up, but it made me realize that you will never truly know someone. There's just so much about a person that you will never know their life story. I know it's hard to know every detail about someone, but something like that really opens your eyes. It makes me sad to know he was bullied when he has gone through so much. This also makes me rethink my life and choices that I've made. Life is so precious and I need to remember that. It can be take away from you in an instant and we tend to forget that. No one wants to think about something as tragic as that, but you can't help it sometimes. We have to enjoy life as best as we can before it's too late. I wish I could tell myself to stop worrying and just enjoy everything, but I don't think about it. As stated in the song Fifteen by Taylor Swift, she says, "Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now." I always wish I could go back in time and change things after learning from my mistakes, but that's part of life. We make mistakes and we learn from them. We all wish we could turn back the clock sometimes, but we have to accept the fact that the past is the past. We must move on and go on with our lives. So I'm telling myself this before it's too late. "Live in the present and enjoy what life has to offer. Take chances and believe in yourself. Think smart and face any consequences head strong. Don't regret any decisions because it brought you to where you are today. Forgive people for hurting you and remember that everyone makes mistakes. Don't make decisions when you're in a bad mood or aren't thinking straight. Accept yourself for who you are and never lose hope. Work hard for what you want because someday you will be successful. But most importantly, love the people who have been there for you with all your heart."

Merry Christmas!

Today was such a fun day with the family. I played cards, Monopoly, and Battleship, watched television, ate delicious food, watched the adults play Mahjong, watched my grandparents open their gifts (and they loved them :D), and celebrated it with the people I cared most about. I got gifts too, but that's not what today is about (but I love them all). I'm thankful to spend the day with the people I love. I can't wait for Friday as well and then this weekend. Great things are coming my way and I'm excited. I should really start practicing for the play too. Well it's late and I must sleep. My sister really wanted to watch a movie so that is why I'm up so late. Once again, I can't sleep before 12AM. I'll try again tomorrow which I will probably say tomorrow. Good night world :]

P.S. I know sometimes my tempers flare up and I go on rage mode, but I usually take it all back afterwards. In the end, I love and care for those people a lot. Even though at times I hate them, I always forgive them. That's just the kind of person I am, but I can't help it. I can't always be happy you know.

Resolutions.

2012 Resolutions

1. Work out/eat veggies

2. Be more productive/better study habits

3. Drop my bad habits & instead: grow out nails, stop shaking my leg, and don't be online and spend time with family

So I am happy to say that I did most of these! I ate a lot more veggies than usual, but didn't work out. I have been more productive and studied harder, but I could've done better. I also stopped shaking my leg, my nails are starting to grow now, and I feel closer to my family. I have to say, I didn't fail for once. I at least attempted to do all of these except working out, unless that hill counts at SLO. Since I didn't fulfill all of these, my 2013 resolutions will be the same. I will try a lot harder now this coming year. 

2013 Resolutions

1. Work out/eat veggies

2. Be more productive/better study habits

3. Drop my bad habits & instead: grow out nails and don't be online as much

4. Get my license

5. Let go of stupid things and be happy.

This Christmas.

Dear Santa,

Every year I usually wish for the same thing, but not this year. I honestly don't care if I find that special someone yet. All I want is happiness and good health to my family and friends. People don't deserve to suffer. I really don't know what else I could ask for because nothing is more important than happiness in health. Money doesn't buy either of those. I mean it can to some, but not everyone. Other than that, I hope the next year is a good one. Thank you! :]

Love,

Amy :]

Snow-filled weekend.

This past weekend I went to Tahoe with the family. On the way there, it was pouring since a storm was going to be there the whole weekend. Eventually it changed to snow which was very nice. I enjoyed the whole car ride, except it took 4 hours... That's like going to SLO. It felt a lot shorter, but we had to put chains on when we got to the mountains. We hung out at the cabin the entire day. We played outside and wandered around. It was windy every now and then so snow would fall everywhere out of no where. We played card games and watched like 5 movies on FX. The next day we left early in the morning and ate in Elk Grove before going back home. The food was amazing! Overall, it was a nice weekend even though I wish I could've done more. Still was better than nothing at all! Plus I drew faces on the car ;D

The perks.

I really love having friends outside of school. They don't know many people from my old school so it's easy to tell them anything without them judging. All they do is give advice and listen to what I have to say. On the car ride home from Sierra's, Jennifer and I were talking about life and then boy troubles. Once I talk to someone about it, that's when I realize what I've been feeling. I have been hurting lately and I didn't know until I told her. It's good to have those heart to heart conversations every now and then because I really do need it. I just want someone to listen and understand no matter what the situation is. It is better that they don't know who the person is so I can be straightforward without being hesitant. If they knew the person, it may be easier for them to give me even more advice, but I honestly rather have them not know for now. With everything that has happened over these years, it may be easier for me for them not to know. So thank goodness for friends who don't know everyone you do. It truly makes me more willing to talk and express myself. Thanks for listening to me Jennifer. It really did mean a lot to me that night to realize all those feelings inside of me.

Random.

So when I went to see Wreck It Ralph with my friends, right when the title of the movie popped up, Kevin yelled "woohoo" so loud and put his fists in the air. It was so funny that I couldn't stop laughing for the longest amount of time. I had to force myself to stop after a few minutes because it was so random hearing that coming from Kevin. I was shocked/amazed at first because Kevin wouldn't usually do something like that, but he has seen the movie 3 times by now. Man I still can't get over how funny it was.

Let it snow.

I must sleep so this will be a quick post. Had such a great time today with Sierra, Carey, Maryann, Jennifer and Ashleigh. Man I sure love these girls! We pigged out like crazy, watched movies and tv, played cards, talked about everything, and laughed at stupid stuff. This is the life lol. I just love spending time with a small group of friends. There's always something to talk about between the awkward silences that come and go. Also, Happy Early Birthday to Devora and Carey! I won't be on tomorrow, but I'll try my best in the morning to tell them if I can. If not, I already told them today xD I'm going to the snow for the next two days so I can't blog. Be prepared for tons of photos and I'm sure even more silly stories. I can't wait but I really must sleep now. Good night world & have a great weekend :]

Note to self.

Sometimes happiness comes from within and not from someone else.

Blogging.

Thank you for being there when no one else could. I feel like blogging has definitely changed me as a person. I get to express my feelings and it makes me feel so much better. It's my diary that I could never write onto paper. The feelings I hide that I hope some people won't ever find out. The best times of my life that I want to remember and look back at years from now. This blog is basically my life. It has become a part of me. 10 more days and it'll be exactly 2 years that I've had this blog. Time sure flies by doesn't it? But it's been a great 2 years. Through all the good and bad times, this blog could never judge me like someone else would have. I've done some wonderful and foolish things, but that is how I learned in this life. I know that I can't and won't remember everything, but blogging has changed that. I try so hard to blog every day about anything and everything. Even the most randomest things as you can probably tell from some of my posts. I hope someday I can reread every single post. I want to laugh at how stupid I was, appreciate the wonderful moments and people I've encountered, but most importantly, notice how much I've grown as a person. This blog is a part of my childhood as I mature into an adult. I honestly can't say I'm an adult even if I am of age because I sure don't feel like it yet. I hope that 10, 20, or even 50 years from now that I'm still using this blog. I know that's a lot of time, but who knows. Maybe someday my future husband (if I get married) will read this or my great great grandchildren (not sure about this either aha). I really don't know what the future has in stored for me, but all I know is, this blog has been through it all. I know that there will be more posts, random things, heartbreaks, drama, stress, and much more, but I'm content right now. Even though 10 minutes ago I expressed my anger like crazy, but deep down, I know this is only the beginning of the craziness that I will experience in life. I'm young and I hope there's many more years to come for me to experience more things. Life has a lot to offer each and every one of us. It's just a matter of fact if we're willing to take a risk and live a little. And with that, blogging will capture every moment, thought, and feeling I will go through that I can possibly remember. Blogging is a way of life. My life. I haven't been this happy in so long. Blogging really turns my day around when I need it the most. Good night world & thanks for reading all this :]

Yeah :)

I went to the optometrist today and the optometrist I had was so good looking xD Not even kidding aha. Also went to the dentist and my teeth are good too. Still not getting my wisdom teeth out yet. I don't even think they're fully grown. Going to spend tomorrow with some of the greatest girls I'll ever know. I just can't wait for it all! It's been 3 months since we've all seen each other and I'm way too excited. Hopefully in 14 hours, we'll all be pigging out watching movies all day. Now that is what I want to do. 

Hah.

The cat is out of the bag isn't it?

I see how it is.

It's funny how every time I go out of my way to help you, you never seem to thank me. A little courtesy would be nice after everything that I do for you. I feel like you don't even care. What I do benefits you in the long run. I dropped the class so you could be higher on the waitlist and I let you know that a new physics class was up so you could add it. And what do I get from you? Nothing. I don't get a thank you or anything like that. I get a "yes, drop it and i'll be one higher on the list." Like really? That is all you care about? This really shows your true colors. I shouldn't have bothered in the first place like my sister said, but then I would feel bad. Gah. I hope something good happens for me because people like you make me wish that I wasn't so nice sometimes. After everything I do, I feel like I never get anything in return. It's always been a competition for you to beat me. Why is that?

Pathetic.

Why do you have to lie to my face like that? I know the truth so why bother doing this. You're so low. I can't believe you. Honestly I thought you were better than that.

"I miss you."

When someone tells me those words, I feel overjoyed inside. It makes me happy to know that someone wants to hang out or see me. They miss having me around (I would think), and I usually feel the same as well. When you haven't seen the people you care about for so long, you can't help but feel that way. I have missed my friends so much these past few months which is why all I want to do is spend time with them. It's so hard for all of us to see one another due to our schedules. They may not understand why I want to see them so much, but it's hard to be away from each other for so long. These people that I've spent 3, 4, or even more years with that I can't see every day or once a month anymore. I miss having them around and spending 7-9  hours a day together. Yes that is a lot of time, but once it's over and done with, that's when you realize all that time went by too fast and it still didn't feel like enough time. I will appreciate every second and moment that I get to spend with my family and friends. I'll enjoy all the time that I get because I know that whatever amount of time I get is better than none at all. I love you all so much. Good night world & cherish the people in your life :]

Yee.

Making someone's day makes me so happy. I feel like I did something right even if everything else around me is wrong. At least some people cherish the little things I do for them. Sometimes I feel like they go unnoticed too often and it saddens me. I try so hard, but don't get any credit for it. But not today, one of the few occasions that I feel good about what I did. It's been a great day. Plus this is my 1111th post :]

A thought.

I wish you would realize that I'm always there for you. I've done so much and I feel like it doesn't even matter at all. Just like When It Counts, I feel like Tammy. The nice girl who doesn't get noticed.

Winter Break To Do List.

✓ -Visit Delta

✓ -Go to the movies

✓ -Hangout at Sierra's

✓ -Go to the snow

✓ -Movie day with the girls?

✓ -White Elephant

✓ -Dellosso Farms

✓ -Spend the night at my cousins house

   -See my penpals

✓ -Order Winter Quarter textbooks

✓ -Make a swan

✓ -Make a penguin

✓ -Finish my white elephant gift

✓ -Make/buy/wrap gifts for friends/family

✓ -Watch movies

   -Practice script
   -Read books

   -Fill out FAFSA
Last updated 12/24/12.
1/2/13. I know I won't see either of my penpals and I can't fill out my FAFSA yet. I don't know if the movie day with the girls is going to happen either. My last week here.
1/3/13. So I ended up sort of watching a movie with the girls. We had Bridesmaids playing in the background as we played The Game of Things. Such a great day!

That quality.

Every person is born with a gift and they should cherish it. We all have something special about us and we have to find it and use it to its full potential. We are all meant to be something great.

Reality hit me in the face.

Next quarter is going to be different. Way different. I didn't think that I would ever feel this terrible inside but I do. I can't lose my grants. I have to work harder. Much harder. No slacking anymore. This is the real world and second chances are rare.

Well well well.

I sleep so late these days because no one tells me otherwise. Well they do, but like I'd listen. I really need to sleep before 12 or my sleep schedule is going to be screwed all over again like usual. Having an 8:00AM class next quarter means I'll be sleeping at 10:00PM. Fun... Way better than 9:00PM I must admit. I should make that schedule once I'm back too. 

There's no point in lying to you so why keep your hopes up? You're only setting yourself up for disappointment. We all go through it, but I don't know why you keep on trying like it's going to change things because it won't. Things won't ever be the way they once were and you should know that. 

I don't know why I care so much again. You're someone I call a friend and you mean a lot to me. But every time I see you, things are different. It's like something changes right before my eyes. Something even I don't know how to explain and I can't stop thinking about you. But, I don't want to like someone right now. Not yet. I feel like I need to find myself and what I want in this life before my feelings take over again. I need to explore more and figure out who I am without having to deal with my feelings. I want to enjoy everything life has to offer. If I find someone along the way, then great. If not, I won't force anything because whats meant to be will happen. But I have to say, I enjoy every moment we talk, every laugh over stupid things, and every competition that doesn't seem to end. No matter how far apart we may drift, something always manages to bring us back together. That is what I love about our friendship. I'm really glad you're a part of my life. I hope you know that.

Another long post about my feelings. Just making up lost posts lol.

Good night world & enjoy your day :]

And I wonder...

How can someone be so flawless?

His laugh.

We were laughing for about half an hour and his laugh just popped up into my head...

A lesson.

The real world can be a very cruel place. It's not all fun and games as you get older. As a child you hope to grow up faster, but once you're older, all you wish is to be a kid again. This world is tough and sometimes too much for people. However, you have to overcome those obstacles over and over again. Pick yourself back up and try even harder. No one seems to care anymore but that's when you have to believe in yourself.

Oh yes.

Today I visited my old school and Davis with James. It was nice seeing my old teachers, friends, and other people. I had a great time since it's been so long already. It was great catching up even if it was only like 5 minutes, but it's way better than nothing at all. I spent over 2 hours there trying to find people and what not. It sure took a while too, but I think it was worth it. I saw Wesley and he said, "Oh I gotta hug Amy first" and I just laughed. Mrs. Solari told me to speak in front of her class. Then I had to wait for my communication teacher to come back from a meeting, and after waiting half an hour, I was going to leave. I was outside in the cold for too long, but he was in his office and I didn't even notice him going in. Later I went to Davis to go visit Kevin, Jay, Gabe, Jenny, Dalia, and Aman. We ended up missing an exit to switch freeways so we went through Downtown Sacramento and it was so nice! I loved all the different buildings. Then at Davis we got lost pretty bad and he drove in the wrong lane and a car honked at him. I was wondering why he was on the wrong side, but it was fun. Things still feel the same when I hang out with my friends. It's like I know we all go to different colleges, but no one has truly changed in a way. It was nice experiencing a different campus after adjusting to mines. I really did enjoy eating out and the environment because it's different from SLO. I had a lot of fun and hopefully I can go back another time or even visit another school. I guess we'll see what happens. I freaked out cause I was home late and felt so much guilt, but I don't feel like I made a wrong decision in going. I'm fine and nothing happened (thank goodness) and I got to spend time with my friends. The next thing I'm looking forward to is the 28th. Now that should be a blast too :D Oh man I can't wait. It was a day well spent for sure. I even got to see Glee before it's back on in another month. Good night world & my fingers are getting better! :]

"But now I've seen it through And now I know the truth That anything could happen Anything could happen."

Anything Could Happen~Ellie Goulding

So today was a chill day. Relaxed at home and didn't even do much xD I'm so lazy but I still try. Looking forward to seeing my teachers tomorrow. I'm hoping nothing goes wrong. I know I'm not doing something right, but I want to take a risk every now and then, and hopefully it doesn't bite me back. And if it does, I hope it doesn't bite me back tomorrow at least. I guess we'll see, but I want a stress free day. After everything that's been going on that's all I want. I feel like I deserve it. Only time will tell now. As the song says "anything could happen" and I hope that's a good sign. Wow I just fixed the problem with my blogger. Before I had to copy the codes and I realized I accidentally set it to HTML instead of Customize. Well good thing I noticed sooner than later. Good night world & have a great day tomorrow :]

Actions speak louder than words.

That moment when you realize that you were the bad person. How do you mend things? How do you gain their trust again? You try. You try to fix things and hope that they accept you back as their friend. I realized that you called me your best friend after knowing me for like 2 days. I'm sorry because I know I hurt you. I know saying sorry means nothing unless you prove that you mean it. I'll prove it to you that I genuinely mean it. I want to make things right and it took me this long to realize it. I'm going to make an effort next time because you were a great friend while I wasn't. Thank you Jay for making me realize something I lost. Myself. 

Yes indeed.

I just realized how vulnerable college made me feel at first. I was so open to things that I didn't necessarily realize what was going on half the time. First I felt one way, but now I look back and have different emotions. You don't realize what you're doing to someone until it is in the past. Now I wish I made different choices. 

I mean it this time.

It's funny how easy it is you can trust someone. Then next thing you know they stab you in the back. This is why I can't trust people anymore. Never forget your first opinion of someone because sometimes you are right from the start. I shouldn't have bothered. It was just a waste of my time. I could care less about you. 

The pain doesn't stop.

I cut my finger really bad Friday while working on Tina's gift. I'm not even going to bother with the rest. I literally can't even shower. I love my mom so much because of everything she has done for me. She truly doesn't even know how much I owe her. I had glass in my index finger which I didn't know until today. I told myself if I still feel pain, then my mom will look at it, and turns out it was the glass I was picking up... I pray my thumb doesn't hurt, or any of my other cuts. I don't mind the other cuts too much, but my thumb looks so gross and would hurt a lot to see if there's glass. Sigh, stuff like this always has to happen to me. I know bad things happen to people every now and then, but I'm trying to do good and stuff like this happens. Life really isn't fair sometimes and it sucks. I mean I rather have this happen to me than someone who doesn't deserve it, but it doesn't mean I do either. I'm sorry if I did something wrong, but things happen I guess. Nothing I can do to change it which sucks a lot. On a brighter note, I'm addicted to making stuff on Minecraft, the glass on my right finger is out, I got to see more of my family, gifts are almost done (and will be done if my finger doesn't hurt tomorrow), finale for Amazing Race is up, a textbook I need for next quarter is cheap, and I got Act 1 of the play I'm doing. I really hope January isn't a busy month so I have time to focus on the play. I know that school should be before anything, but the play can be my stress reliever. Great, there was some pain in my right finger... That is not a good sign. Well hopefully I can visit either this Thursday or Friday. I'll try to blog more now that I have a lot of time at home. 4 weeks with no homework, thank goodness! I really do need this break after the first quarter >.< Well I sure hope your luck is better than mine! I need a good luck charm or something. Good night world & have a great week! :] 

Sigh.

Lately you seem to be really negative and I don't know why. I get your viewpoint, but it's happening every time I state something and it's getting depressing. You're a different person now. All I want is someone to listen, but you comment on every little thing.

Where is the light at the end of the tunnel now?

My music player is broken and I tried to fix it like before, but it didn't work. Now I'm so sad cause it's the one thing that helps me sleep at night. Ahhh what am I going to do now D: Why do I break everything :((( I got a B in BRAE and a B+ in English. I'm wondering how I did in CE and Calculus. Hopefully I passed both classes, but neither class will count towards my GPA. I guess I'll see how this goes in a few weeks... 

11:11

I wish for the best tomorrow.

Sigh.

9 hours of studying on Monday is all my poor brain can take. As of now, I'm trying to study for Calculus and I can't focus for some reason. I study for a little and get sidetracked. Plus I feel like I'm going to knock out any moment. All the bad things the day before my final. The one class I'm doing really bad in. Lovely. *Flips table* That is my rage thing to do now. The GIF is funny too. Plus it works on this site!

Hopefully.

There's a chance I might go to Davis and I hope it happens! It'd be nice to visit even if one person is there lol. At least it isn't packed during finals week.

My birthday.

Since I didn't have time to celebrate today, I celebrated yesterday. Keri and I went to see Wreck It Ralph and ate at Marie Callender's in Pismo Beach. It was such an amazing view there! Plus it stopped raining. I came back and watched Iron Man 2, Elf, and Inception. Today on the other hand, I've been studying all day which sucks. I only wanted to spend time with family and friends, and well I can't. So sad :( At least next year, my birthday will be during Dead Week rather than finals. Still this weekend was better than nothing at all. Good luck to everyone with finals this week! And now I sit here and eat my chocolate creme pie too lazy to study again.

It's December!

Another year flies by and I can't believe tomorrow is the big day. Well I can't wait to see Wreck it Ralph and go to Marie Callendar's. I'm looking forward to it so much. I just want to enjoy my "birthday" even though it's not. Why couldn't my birthday be today instead. Either way, I'll enjoy it as much as I can. Thanks to Keri for being such a great roommate and trying to make today special. I can't wait! :D