Loneliness.

I was supposed to sleep a little over an hour ago, but instead I looked through my old yearbook. It's hard to believe that maybe in 10 years, when I graduated from college and hopefully have my own job and home, that I'll look through it once again. It'll be such a long time, but I'll feel all those memories flooding my head. It's a part of your life you'll slowly forget over the years, but it'll always be there unchanged. I really wish I could see all my friends and spend time together like before. But now, I know that times have changed and I can't keep feeling sad. I know college definitely isn't easy, but we all have moved on and I need to too. Even if it's going to take a while, I'll soon learn to enjoy the present. The past brought the greatest memories and I wish I had friends like that in college too, but I'm not going to hope any longer. No one can replace those people in my life. I'll never find another group of people who I'll be so close to. I know college is the chance for you to meet new people, but I feel like they'll never be like the people I already have in my life. I'm not saying I'm not making friends or won't make friends, but I feel like I've met majority of the people that I'll know in 10, 20, 30+ years. I would love have more close friends, but it seems like I know most of them already and I'm okay with that. It just saddens me that I don't get to spend time with them at all. Probably 2-3 times over break and hopefully double that over the summer, but things will never be the same. Once we all have jobs, we'll probably hardly see each other. I realize that as time goes on, we'll drift apart even more. As much as it breaks my heart, I know that I'll find my happiness even if I don't feel it now. I'm enjoying college majority of the time, but lately I really do wish that I had a few more friends I could eat dinner or hang out with. I have a few close ones, but they're always busy and sometimes we have conflicting schedules. I was so close to the people at MCHS because we only had a class of 60. But here in college, my college lecture alone is 100+ people. It's hard to find people that you become close with. Everything's different and it's still hard to accept. Maybe next year, things will be completely different. I honestly don't know. I think it's because I'm so stressed out with classes right now, especially after what I got on my Chem midterm and everything else. But I know I'm not the only one of my friends who feel this way because almost all of my friends have said that they feel alone sometimes too. It's sad how we can't all spend our college years together, but we have to make the most of it. As much as I love college, friends are what made high school the best, and sometimes I wonder when will I meet that group of people here in college. I know I have great friends now and maybe they are the group of people but that's only like 5 people aha. Whether it's 5, 10, or 50, I just hope I don't feel so lonely anymore. Maybe that's also why I'm so stressed. I feel alone. All I want is a hug. My sister said she wishes I was home so she wasn't alone either. I just wish I could go home for one week, but I can't. Where's the light at the end of this tunnel?