...

After seeing that, I think I need to let go of my feelings as if nothing ever happened...

Confused.

I can't explain my feelings very well right now because I don't understand them. Great.

Friday night.

So tonight I ended up going to bonfire for SWE/EWB. I didn’t even end up meeting my Big Sib, but I can’t wait to whenever that happens. I did meet a lot of new people and we ended up going to Avila Beach. The moon was almost full so it was beautiful next to the ocean. I attempted to make S’mores, but my hand/arm was burning from the heat. I still had a lot of fun though! Plus I saw a shooting star. I want to have a picnic there sometime at night. Then on our way back, there was a lot of traffic because of the Mac Miller concert. When we were entering campus, there were police doing a checkpoint which was interesting. First time being in a car when that happened. I had a lot of fun, but the bonfire wasn't too exciting, probably because there were too many people. Oh and we played Do you love your neighbor which was a blast. I love that game a lot now lol. Earlier, like maybe an hour ago, I overheard two guys talking outside my window. I'm assuming they both like to drink, but one guy (guy 1) kept telling the other (guy 2)  not to drink tonight because he might not be able to handle it. Guy 1 kept on saying listen to me, go back to your room and sleep and don't do anything else. You go finish that water and sleep. It was along the lines of that, but he was really looking out for his friend. He said if he went back to his dorm and slept, then tomorrow they would go do something. He even said if you don't, then if I see you, I won't even talk to you. He was pretty serious, but Mustangs look out for one another. I'm so thankful for the awareness presentations that we had during WOW week. They talked about situations like the 2 guys had, and I'm glad one guy was making the right decisions and being a good friend. I just hope that the other guy does the same too. Good night world & have a great weekend :]

Woot woot.

So I keep on seeing this Asian guy on campus and I'm pretty sure he's a freshmen. I never officially met him but I see him all the time during the most random moments. It's kinda weird cause every time I see him it's like oh it's that guy again. Tonight I had Intro to CE and then I went to bowling night by SCE. I got to be Jasmine most of the time cause the names were Disney princesses and princes. It was a lot of fun and got to meet like 5 new people. Overall, I had a great time and can't wait to do Cosmic Bowling :D Well I need to sleep so I can be somewhat awake tomorrow. Good night world :]

Hmm.

Yahoo answers isn't even helping the slightest. What to do, what to do...

Well

I'm just so lost and confused right now. I really just need to forget...

I love you...

Fun nights.

Tonight I went to the drive in theater with my roommate. We watched Finding Nemo and The Odd Life of Timothy Green. I had such a blast! I've been wanting to see The Odd Life of Timothy Green for the longest and I'm so glad that I got the chance to. Plus it was better than I expected, except for the ending of course, which I didn't expect. I ended up crying and I was just like darn it. Still, I had so much fun and I'd love to go back again for any other good movies coming out. A huge plus was how the sky was mostly clear and the stars were beautiful. I find it weird how half the whole time (around the end of Finding Nemo), I wished I was there with you though. Why is my mind doing this to me D: Sigh, confused feelings. Am I falling for you?

Words.

It's funny how people think they're so much better than everyone. I'm sitting here in my dorm doing homework and there's a group of people outside. Our window is open and I hear a guy saying how he wants to ask an engineer "are you antisocial" & "why do you stay in your room all day". Like really? Who cares if we can be antisocial (which many are not) and who cares if we stay in our rooms all day. Maybe we have better stuff to do like homework rather than going out to party or something. At least we're making the most of our education. He had no right to say something like that. It pisses me off to know that there are people who can't even respect their peers and think they are so much better than everyone else. You tell me, in 10 years, who will be more successful? An engineer or a guy who smack talks? We all know the answer to that don't we. Freaking jacked up people these days. Think before you talk. He better be glad he left before I got up.

Palomartians.

So yesterday my fellow Palomartians (people living in my hall) went to go swipe food out since we had extra meals. We wanted to get rid of them so we all headed over to VGs. Kat, our RA, made everyone introduce themselves so we would all know each other. When I introduced myself, some guy pointed at me and said "Hey I like your name" and I found it so random. But yeah, I got 5 water bottles lol. Too bad I still had one leftover meal.

What have I done.

I have never experienced someone who couldn't take a hint. Like I try so hard to be nice and let them down easy, but they just don't get it. I mean is it that hard to realize it? I mean I don't want to be mean or anything, but I feel like nothing else is working. Sometimes, I just wish I could rewind the week and start over again.

Sigh.

Meeting new people makes you realize how much you miss the ones you already know.

Where to begin.

I honestly have to say this has got to be one of the best weeks of my life. I've met so many wonderful people and I'm having such a great time exploring SLO with people I've come to know. We've done SO many amazing things, which I will blog all about tomorrow, but I'm just so happy. I get to finally cross things off my 112. I can't wait, but this is all just so amazing that it almost feels unreal sometimes that all of this is happening to me. Well until school starts on Tuesday lol. I finally get a breather after 4:00pm tomorrow since WOW is over, but I'm so glad we get reunions! My feet are SO tired after walking so much, but it's worth everything I saw and had to do. Good night world & let's hope my toes heal from the swelling cause it hurts so much!

College Life.

I'm finally moved in and starting my life at college. It's all activities and getting settled this week, but it's been fun. However, there's just so much going on that it's hard to do everything that you want. Soooo much walking that my feet hurt lol. I've been sleeping well too :D However, I couldn't stop crying yesterday morning when I came. I was at home and my mom kept on asking me if I needed anything before I went for breakfast and then the tears started. I couldn't even eat my cereal without getting all choked up. Then I saw a shooting star on the way here and it felt like a good sign for me. Well time to go get ready for a rally. Internet works :D

College bound.

Tomorrow is the big day. I'll be ready in a few hours and I can't wait. SLO here I come! :D

It's jacked.

I hope I never end up with a cheater. No one should ever have to hurt like that.

"Love is a color of many shades."

~Joey Greco, Cheaters

Wake up call.

Let's just say the nightmare I had was definitely a bad one. I thought one of my friends took their own life, but it turned out to be someone else (which doesn't make it any better). Nightmares can feel so real and that's what I went through this morning. I woke up terrified that something happened to you. My whole right leg and right arm was completely numb and I could barely move them. I tried to talk to you as fast as I could but nothing was responding on my computer. It was a terrible feeling and I hope that you're okay because as of now, I'm scared. Scared that something might really happen to you. I don't know why I had that nightmare, but honestly, I hope I'm not losing you. The moment you think someone close to is gone is one of the worst feelings you'll ever have to go through.

One last thing.

I feel like I'm getting a sore throat but I really hope it's nothing. It's the last thing I need right now. I must sleep. My sleep schedule is so off >.> It's all my fault too...

Reality.

"Just felt the weirdest feeling ever... It's depressing when a friend leaves you to move away or go to college, but now that it's finally my turn, the weirdest sensation has come over me. A flood of feelings, both good and not so good, rushes over. Excitement, nervousness, loss, gain, acomplishment, regret, happiness; these do not even begin to describe how I feel. Yet i am completely calm throughout it all. I am not sure that it has hit me yet, nor am i sure that it ever fully will. In all the excitement over the next few years, i dont think it will have the chance to sink in. When I began to think about it, I realized tonight is the last night of my life where my room is actually MY room. Tonight is the last time I think of myself as truly a high school kid. Tonight is the last time my friends I have had since kindergarten will be a few streets away. I am finally a college kid; that stage that, since I was a kid, I have both respected and been awestruck by. I remember thinking I would never get that old, and how I would never want to leave home, yet here I am. At the same time, I am not that kid anymore. I am in fact a college student now. I have gained so many skills since then- I can cook, clean, drive, and order food for myself, to list a few. Not only am I going to be completely independent, but I am capable of being completely independent. I know I can handle "it" whatever challanges "it" happens to be. I am also filled with a feeling that all of us have had for quite some time now- eagerness to leave and start our own life. So come at me, SLO, because I'm ready for ya."

One of my soon to be classmates posted this and I couldn't agree more. It's like he read my mind lol. But it's so true and that will be me in a day. No longer will I be a high school student, but a college student. It's hard to believe that all of this is happening, but it is. College, even if I'm not fully prepared, I hope I find the right people to guide me through this incredible journey. I don't want to miss out on a thing, but most importantly, I want to have the time of my life like I did in high school. So no more being scared, sheltered, quiet, afraid, or nervous. I need to be more open and willing to take on new obstacles. That's how I will succeed in life. Good night world :]

Fudge.

I guess people are right when they say you never truly get over someone. After that dream and Sunday, a part of me can't let you go. As much as I try to forget and erase you from my mind, you find a way to come back. No matter what I do, I can't forget or let go of the feelings I once had because they will always be there. What I felt for you will never change. I can't do anything  about it until I find someone new. However, I don't want anyone new yet, but I want to let the feelings go. I just don't understand why that is so hard for me to do and why I haven't gotten over it yet.

Heartbroken.

A good day can turn into a bad one just by a snap of a finger. That's basically what happened today except not so literally. I sometimes wish we weren't this close so I wouldn't get hurt. But it's too late, cause I've been hurt a lot already, and I don't know if I can handle it anymore. Maybe I don't have to. I see this as a good thing with me leaving. I can just forget stuff since I don't have to be around those people.

Honestly.

After all the stress of going through packing for the past 2 hours and being sad because I'm leaving, right now I'm happy. I'm glad that I get the chance to leave to explore and find out who I am in this world. Even if it means leaving everything that I have behind, I get to meet new people and have the time of my life. I leave all the drama behind and find out which friends really matter to me because I know many will go. Whatever happens, it will be for the best and I just need to be headstrong and prepared. This is life, so come at me with full force.

Sadness.

Well everyone is forcing me to pack like it's the most important thing right now (to me it's not), but I guess I need to face reality. One more day...

Summer List 2012 (3)

1. Go kayaking

2. Go camping

3. Get my permit

4. Stargaze

5. Read some books

6. Do something I normally wouldn't do

7. Learn how to swim or try to

8. Have lunch or dinner with a friend

9. Go someplace new

10. Ride a ferris wheel or go to a carnival*

11. Work out

12. Write those letters

13. Learn how to cook
14. Have a silly string fight*
15. Go fishing
16. Get rid of bad habits
17. Watch the sunrise or sunset (preferably sunset)
18. Take photobooth pictures
19. Watch fireworks
20. Pull an all-nighter
21. Have a picnic
22. Watch movies all day
23. Have a water balloon fight
24. Clean up all the stuff on the floor in my room and organize it
25. Work on my photo albums
26. Go vegetarian for a day
27. Take lots of pictures
28. Blog more
29. Eat Korean BBQ or Pho
30. Learn how to push myself on a swing
31. Get a personalized leather bracelet*
32. Beat 2000 FreeCell levels in order
33. Beat Kevin at WWF

34. Tell someone how I really feel

35. Enjoy every moment and don't let people bring me down

So far I finished 24/35 things on my list which is over half. Yes! Even though there are two days left of my summer, I know that there are at least 2 things (hopefully) that I can still do and let's hope that I do! Compared to the last time I updated this on July 26th until now, it's been about a month and 2 weeks. Last time I had only 14 things done, and this time I have 24. It's crazy how productive you can be. So thanks to anyone who has helped me with my list, and I'm happy with the results so far :]

35. Enjoy every moment and don't let people bring me down

From the beginning of summer until now, I didn't have any drama which I'm thankful for. I lived life as much as I could, spent a lot of time with the people I love, and laughed as much as I could. I really wanted to make this summer memorable and it definitely was. Even if I did go through some tough times, I made it through them, and that's all that matters. I'm glad that people were there for me the entire time and it's been a great summer in all.

34. Tell someone how I really feel

Well this turned out to be tell everyone how I feel lol. I told a lot of people how much that I appreciate our friendships and that I'm going to miss having them around. Even if it may seem repetitive, I honestly feel that way towards everyone, but for some people, I have more to say to them. It feels nice to let them know what they mean to me, and I hope it makes them happy.

31. Get a personalized leather bracelet*

I honestly didn't think that I would end up getting this, but surprisingly I did thanks to Kenneth. I saw it at the zoo and I wasn't sure if I should buy it or not, but he ended up getting one for me. It was nice of him, even though he shouldn't have, but I'm going to wear it soon.

28. Blog more

This summer, I wanted to blog more to remember all the great and fun times I had so I can look back on them someday. I definitely achieved it. Even though I didn't blog more than last year, in July I do have 54 posts, when I usually have about 30 a month. I'm very proud of myself.

27. Take lots of pictures

So this whole summer, I took a total of 887 pictures (about) which is quite a lot. I mean for a few months, that's definitely more than usual. I'm glad I have a lot of memories to look back on and to add to my photo album.

16. Get rid of bad habits

Well I decided to stop eating before I sleep because I know it's bad for my body and I have. All I do is drink half a glass of milk and that's it. I feel better and my stomach doesn't even growl in the mornings (sometimes). I'm trying so hard to take care of my body. I've been trying to sleep earlier but for 2-3 nights, I've stayed up until 1-2. Not good since I can't fix it, but I'm still working on it!

It's been such a long day.

So today was my last day that I hung out with my friends before I leave to college. I have to say, it has been one of the best days. Of course it's sad that I'm leaving, but it's nice to see everyone together having a great time. I went to Sonics with Kenneth and I got my grilled cheese that I've been craving because of Danner. However, Danners grilled cheese sandwiches will always be my favorite and I'm going to miss them so much. So we never been to Sonics and had no idea how it worked so we were confused for the longest time ever. He figured it out and now I know how to order at Sonics lol. First time going there too. Then we went to Micke's Grove Zoo to look around. It's been so long since I've been there and the zoo is small but still enjoyable. I loved looking at all the different animals and seeing them in their habitats. We went to the little shop that 

they had and he had to get me something even though I kept telling him not to >.> But I guess I can cross it off my summer list at least so thanks. I was even thinking about buying it, but I couldn't decide. Then I got a souvenir penny. I can add it with my collection :D We left to see if the Japanese Garden was open and it was! I was like :O oh snap haha. I really did want to see it cause it looked so pretty online. I'm glad it was open. It was cool seeing the koi fish, the house thing, the different plants and trees, the waterfalls, the bridges, and the stepping stones. I really loved the bridges and stepping stones the most, even though I was afraid of falling a lot. We went to the garden and sat down for quite some time talking about all sorts of things. It felt so nice to be able to relax in nature. While sitting there and looking at all the trees and sun, I felt like Yoon Hee from Love 

Rain for a moment. Later on we went to Target and ran into Angelica and Bacon. We talked to them for a while and then they ended up going to Delta. We went to BWW to get seats and watched the games. Eventually everyone got there except Aman, but we still all ate. I really wish that everyone could have came, but I'm glad a lot of people did which is better than none. I had so much fun and at one point I was so into the Steelers vs. Broncos game that I made this quiet-ish scream and Bacon, Angelica, and Jessi were hecka shocked it came from me lol. I found it so funny but I didn't even expect that to come from me either. I was just too excited for the game, which they won :D Even though the Colts lost, Broncos won, which was good for me. Bren came late and we all hung out outside for a while taking pictures and talking. It was sad saying/hugging 

everyone goodbye but I know that won't the last time I see them. We're all so close that I know things won't change a lot when we all go our different ways. I was so happy to see everyone and they don't know how much I appreciated them all coming. It didn't feel like a farewell dinner at first, but after leaving, it sure did. Jessi, Angelica and James went to the car to get their stuff and that's when it hit me. After giving back their stuff, Jessi and Angelica gave me advice, told me they'd be there for me if I ever had guy problems, and said to keep in touch. That's when I finally got all teary eyed. James gave me another hug and I hope he liked his card. As they were walking back to everyone else, Kenneth said something like take one last good because this is the last time you'll see her and it was just so sad looking at all of them looking at me. I was pretty heartbroken, no lie. Today is honestly the day it's really hitting me mentally and physically. I had such a wonderful time with everyone and I'm going to miss them all so much. Also, 

thanks to Kenneth I really had a fun day. I hope everyone liked their cards/letters/pictures and dinner. I can't wait until we all meet again and thank you guys for coming. It's been a great way to end off my summer basically, and I enjoyed every single moment of it. There's no better way to celebrate than with the people you love to be around. I'm going to miss you guys so much! See you guys soon, very soon :]

One last thing.

So I think I have a swollen lymph node under my chin/jaw above my neck. It hurts and I have no idea when I got it. I noticed earlier when watching television and when I looked up, I had this pain at that spot. I touch it and it's like this bump and it hurts. I looked it up and my body could be fighting infection or something else. I sure hope that's it and nothing is wrong but this has never happened. I hope it goes away soon because I'm scared and it hurts. Help.

Slow poke.

I finally started the letters I've been meaning to write in June. Yeah it's been 3 months already. How time flies by so quickly. So far I finished one today and it was so bittersweet. Looking back at all those memories I shared with that person from freshmen year until now is just crazy. I've forgotten most of it until I looked through my blog just to find more memories. It's nice to look back and recall things you don't remember. So Kevin, I've had so many wonderful times that I know I'll never forget, and I hope you don't either. Hopefully I can finish 9 letters before Sunday. Then I still got 4 more after that before I leave. So much writing but I got this. Aja fighting xD Oh how I'll miss Korean dramas once I'm in school. It's alright, I can focus on school for a quarter and not so much on dramas. Good night world :]

26. Go vegetarian for a day

So I was supposed to go vegetarian for a day like last week but my dad tempted me with chicken nuggets. Of all days right? Anyways I ended up doing it today and it honestly doesn't feel much different lol. I guess it's cause I still eat food, just not meat. But yay haha. Finally did something on my list after like a month.

"This is the best day ever" -Spongebob

Well I just got the best news ever! So I returned this geology book in order to get another one and they said I can keep it! I was like :O No way! They're refunding me but I still get to keep the book. Crazyy stuff. What's even more crazier is that I'm getting financial aid!!! I can't believe it. This is honestly the best news ever for me right now, even though I'm still confused with it, but I couldn't be more happy right now. Thank you to the team who had to decide because you guys just saved me big time. It's good to know that hard work does pay off. Man I can't contain my excitement!

Life, life, life.

I hardly blog since nothing really happens much. I wake up late, play Flower Shop all day, occasionally pack  stuff, think about all the stuff I should be doing but I'm not, and so on. Today is no different of course xD I mean I watched a movie with my mom, but then she went to sleep, and my dad but that's it. Oh I also packed most if not all my clothes. Need to wait for the rest of the laundry to be done and I'll be set. It's slowly starting to hit me that I'm leaving in a week. It doesn't feel like it. People bring it up all the time and I'm happy looking forward to something new and basically the rest of my life. However, deep down it makes me really sad to leave all this behind. I know I'll visit for sure since I'll get homesick (wouldn't be surprised if it was only after a few days too) but three months is a long time to be away from home. I left home for one week and that was science camp in the 5th grade. But this is 3 months, not 1 week. I guess time will fly but I can't help it. So no matter how happy or excited I am, a part of me is deeply saddened. I know I'll get over it hopefully, but I can't help the way I feel now. I'm going to miss my family, friends, and the place/city that I call home. After growing up here my whole life, now I have to leave it all behind even if it's not for long to some but it will feel like a lifetime for me. It's heartbreaking to realize all this, but this is life. It's time to grow up and be an adult now. The only problem is, what if I'm not ready for that? I guess either way I'll have to force myself to adjust. But until that one week goes by, I can't do much but prepare myself for the next 4 years of my life. I know things won't be the same, but this change might be too much for me to handle. I'm just a turtle hiding in my shell, afraid of what is yet to come. But one day, that gut feeling inside of me will be ready. Or at least, that's what I think. So as I write my thoughts, I can only prepare myself for everything. Even if I can't, I know at least I tried.

Oh man.

It's definitely nice to look back on those old high school memories whether it be by watching videos or looking at pictures, it makes me so happy to remember such wonderful times no matter how much time has past or things have changed.

Setting it straight.

Breaking bad habits is never easy but I'm going to fix my sleep schedule starting tomorrow. I'm going to sleep before 12:00 hopefully, get off by like 11:15-11:30 and do something so I'm not on the computer all day. I got 11 days of break left and I need to enjoy it! The only thing preventing myself from finishing my list is myself. I just need motivation to make things right :D Good night world & lets hope that I can do this :]

"Something has to change for new things to come."

So I'm on the last episode of Love Rain (I'm so sad D:) and the guy said the quote above. It's so true. Man this is my all time favorite drama lol. I loveee the 70's part of this. I wish it would never end. Sigh.