Loneliness.

I was supposed to sleep a little over an hour ago, but instead I looked through my old yearbook. It's hard to believe that maybe in 10 years, when I graduated from college and hopefully have my own job and home, that I'll look through it once again. It'll be such a long time, but I'll feel all those memories flooding my head. It's a part of your life you'll slowly forget over the years, but it'll always be there unchanged. I really wish I could see all my friends and spend time together like before. But now, I know that times have changed and I can't keep feeling sad. I know college definitely isn't easy, but we all have moved on and I need to too. Even if it's going to take a while, I'll soon learn to enjoy the present. The past brought the greatest memories and I wish I had friends like that in college too, but I'm not going to hope any longer. No one can replace those people in my life. I'll never find another group of people who I'll be so close to. I know college is the chance for you to meet new people, but I feel like they'll never be like the people I already have in my life. I'm not saying I'm not making friends or won't make friends, but I feel like I've met majority of the people that I'll know in 10, 20, 30+ years. I would love have more close friends, but it seems like I know most of them already and I'm okay with that. It just saddens me that I don't get to spend time with them at all. Probably 2-3 times over break and hopefully double that over the summer, but things will never be the same. Once we all have jobs, we'll probably hardly see each other. I realize that as time goes on, we'll drift apart even more. As much as it breaks my heart, I know that I'll find my happiness even if I don't feel it now. I'm enjoying college majority of the time, but lately I really do wish that I had a few more friends I could eat dinner or hang out with. I have a few close ones, but they're always busy and sometimes we have conflicting schedules. I was so close to the people at MCHS because we only had a class of 60. But here in college, my college lecture alone is 100+ people. It's hard to find people that you become close with. Everything's different and it's still hard to accept. Maybe next year, things will be completely different. I honestly don't know. I think it's because I'm so stressed out with classes right now, especially after what I got on my Chem midterm and everything else. But I know I'm not the only one of my friends who feel this way because almost all of my friends have said that they feel alone sometimes too. It's sad how we can't all spend our college years together, but we have to make the most of it. As much as I love college, friends are what made high school the best, and sometimes I wonder when will I meet that group of people here in college. I know I have great friends now and maybe they are the group of people but that's only like 5 people aha. Whether it's 5, 10, or 50, I just hope I don't feel so lonely anymore. Maybe that's also why I'm so stressed. I feel alone. All I want is a hug. My sister said she wishes I was home so she wasn't alone either. I just wish I could go home for one week, but I can't. Where's the light at the end of this tunnel?

Sigh.

We had play practice tonight and I thought it was going pretty well. I can take criticism because I want to do well and I want people to enjoy the play. Nick told me that it seems like I'm saying my lines are scripted, but I'm really giving it my all. I'm trying to react like how Sara would and I guess it doesn't seem like it to other people. Now all I want is feedback so I'm going to practice more. It's sad how you put 100% into something, but it doesn't come off that way to other people. I just want people to enjoy the play, but if I'm not doing well, then it hurts me. This is a bummer, but I just got to put myself in Sara's position. It's just one of those days where you can't win.

Having some fun.

Tonight CSA had a bowling event and I wanted to go have fun so I went. There's this guy I know in the club and we only talked two times before. He added me on Facebook before we even met which I found odd. Soon enough, we started playing Words With Friends all the time. Eventually we stopped which was fine. Then today, I didn't expect him to go, nonetheless anyone to go, but he did. He was going for one of his friends and he looked right at me and said something like you're so good, you're going to get a lot of strikes. Something like that. He was the one who ended up getting the strike. I actually got one at the end. Then during the last turn for his friend, he went again, but this time he didn't get a strike. Once again, he looked at me and said something else right before he bowled. After my friends and I went for our last turn, we got ready to leave. We were waiting for the last person to bowl so they could pay and we could get our shoes. I was standing there waiting for the girl to bowl and he came up to me. He asked me how many strikes I got and why I didn't do so well. I said I got one strike and I'm not that good. He didn't seem to believe me but it's okay. The girl finally bowled and I told him "Well I'm going to get my shoe now" and he said alright. I thought that was going to be it, but then my friends and I went to Starbucks after and he ended up talking to my friend and I. He said that I should get Scrabble With Friends or something like that so we could play because it's the "new game" and what not. I just said sure because it was funny since he wants to beat me at the game. I guess we'll see. But all I'm trying to say is, he seems like such a chill guy. I don't know many people who actually want to hang out or talk to me so it was nice to talk to him. Maybe I should ask him to go bowling sometime or something aha. Not as a date, but as friends. I just want to get to know him better. Nice guys are still out there. You just got to find them. So as creepy as it was when he added me on Facebook before we attended SLO, I'm actually glad he did. As odd as this sounds, if I was going to ask someone to WF, it probably would be him unless he has a gf or something. But we're strangers and I probably won't even go. So yeah... After Starbucks, we went to play billiards and ping pong. Man I sure love ping pong. It's such a fun game! I need to practice on not missing the table as much though. Nice spending the day outside of my dorm, but I have so much homework to do tomorrow. Wish me luck. Good night world :]

Norton.

Well it just finished scanning when I started at 1:18PM and now it's 4:37PM. Took 3 hours and 19 minutes. Seemed like it scanned faster this time. Yay. Now I can get dinner and finally start studying for my Chem test. Great...

Studystudystudy.

Well I got some time to spare real quick. I'm trying to finish my Geology homework so then I can study for my Chem Midterm tomorrow. I've been working for the play and it's been a lot of fun. I definitely need more practice though. Even though I think I have my lines down, when I'm actually practicing, that's when I blank out. Hopefully this doesn't happen during the actual play but once I start, it gets easier to remember my lines. I just need to practice more. Next weekend is the play already. I can't believe how fast time has flown by. Already at the end of my 3rd week of the quarter. So crazy. Norton is scanning my computer right now. Ready for another 3 hour wait. At least I know what to expect now! Hopefully this weekend is going to be relaxed and not too much work. There's also a CSA scholarship due tomorrow so hopefully I can have time to squeeze that in. I have quite a few things, but I got this. Really wanna watch Glee tonight so I don't have to wait 8 hours. We'll see how it goes and I sure wish it'll go well. Time to get back to work!

Made my day.

 I got to see my family before they left. It made me so happy :]

Day well spent.

Forever 21 was having their 50% sale items so I got a dress, sweater, and sweater cardigan for $20. I really love their sales! Then I went to Dollar Tree and got my favorite mints and some birthday cards. Bought a book so hopefully I can get back into reading again. I also got a small glass bottle so I can write a message in it and put it in the ocean whenever I get the chance. Went to Bali's Yogurt and Firestone and got chicken strips and fries which were amazinggg. Overall, it was a day well spent! Looking forward to tomorrow too :)

Whew.

Carry and Luis stopped by this morning to hang out which was nice. Turns out we're going to hang out Monday so I'm looking forward to that. Haven't spent time together since last quarter. I swear, this quarter has been pretty blah because of all the work and what not. We watched A Cinderella Story and the beginning of Mary Poppins. Then they left and I got ready for play practice. We only practiced for 2 1/2 hours with no scripts and I got most of my lines down! I'm so proud of myself for knowing Act 2 (most of it) without really practicing it much beforehand. Hopefully I remember all of it on Tuesday too because we'll actually be walking around in our places. We have yet to do that. I have to miss Pretty Little Liars though :/ Probably even The Lying Game. At least I can watch them on Wednesday hopefully. I have an exam this Friday so we'll see. Jessica cancelled practice for tomorrow since we know our lines well. Then we went downtown to Sally Loo's and that's where they got the hipster coffee shop from in the play. I really liked the environment except the food is pretty expensive. Delicious but expensive lol. I still enjoyed it though! I wasn't going to go but I decided why not, I need to just have fun rather than sit in my dorm all day. Earlier I spent the past several hours watching movies. I saw New Years Eve, Cinderella, Alice in Wonderland, Iron Man 2, and Bridesmaids. I only saw the last 10 minutes of Cinderella, 5 of Alice in Wonderland, 5 of Iron Man 2, and half of Bridesmaids. I just love HBO here and all the other channels. So many movies I get to watch :D Tomorrow I'm going out around SLO for the day with Keri. Going to go shopping and eat at Firestone finally. I'm so excited! :D I felt like I haven't been out in forever lol. So I really can't wait. Then Monday I'll hopefully hang out with Carry and Luis if they plan something. Plus I finally know who I'm living with next year and I can't wait. Technically next school you but you get what I mean. I can bake! I just need to get the stuff for it but I think I have most of it. So yeah, today was definitely a day well spent. I still need to work on math homework and take more geology notes, but I'm doing good. Got a quiz on Tuesday blah but I can do this! Well I should get some sleep for tomorrow. Good night world & things are looking good right now :]

Well then.

I barely realized that I was the first in my family to graduate from both high school and college. It took me 7 months to realize this again. Man it's the little things you never really think about that mean so much.

Only me.

All fun things happen in chemistry apparently. Today I was going to weigh the styrofoam cup but then I stepped on my shoelace so I bent down to tie it. This guy in my class was filling up his cup with some water to the left of me. He turned around and didn't see me and knocked me over onto the floor. I either didn't place my feet hard enough onto the ground or he was in a rush because I actually fell over. Now that I think about it, good thing he didn't spill that hot water on me or else that would've burned badly. So yeah, I'm okay now, but it was some scene. Yup, this is how you want people's attention in Chemistry. This would only happen to me... So time to bomb tomorrow's Chem quiz. I'm screwed and I need to work harder this quarter. Ugh. Already slacking. I didn't think it would be that tough but it sure is. Good night world and hopefully your week is better than mines :]

Stressed to the max.

I'm so done with everything already. Such a ehh day today. I ask my teacher to get out of class and she said I need to manage my time better. I leave early and my friend never showed up! I had to ask him an hour later and go to his room before he helped me. He couldn't tell me an hour earlier? Like really? I waited for so long. Also this morning we said we'd work on the hw together from 9-10 and he bailed out on me again. What is up with this? I was freaked out because I thought I was going to be late for rehearsals so I was rushing everything. I made it on time though. I didn't have dinner because of rehearsal so I was starving and had snacks. I called to say Happy Birthday but you didn't pick up or call back. Also in my math workshop, I was so confused on a problem because I didn't get the drawing so I was very lost throughout the rest even though my team mates were telling me what to do. I just didn't understand a thing and turned all red >.> Then someone took down the Chinese New Year Banquet flier I put up on our hall too D:< I don't know why either. The only thing that went well today was talking to Nathan for a minute before my laptop died, decorating my wall (which I love and I'm almost done ^_^), and that's about it. Seriously, these days drag on like there's no tomorrow and it's so frustrating. I know that this is only one bad day, but I'm so stressed out. I just need some sleep... Good night world :]

I know.

I wish you think about me as much as I think about you. But I bet you don't.

Woot woot.

So this dancing cat just made my day. I swear I couldn't stop laughing at how funny it was. I also found out Debora has a good chance of coming to see the play and I'm SO excited for that! You have no idea how much that would mean to me. I just need to get through this week and I'm good (I hope). So yeah, here's to a new week. Good night world & have a toasty Tuesday (no idea what this even means haha) :]

Hmm.

It's getting better so far. Today was pretty stress free honestly. More play practices this week, but they're not long which is good. I can do my own stuff :D Plus I can watch PLL! I really hoped that I could too. I got my CE, most of math, and most of chem homework done. So far, it's alright. Hopefully it doesn't get worse. I'm worried about physics. I haven't even attempted any homework none the less looked at it or even open my textbook! So yeah, got a long week ahead of me but I hope it's better. Tired of being sad because of everything. Anyways, I'm losing sleep. Good night world & have a great week :]

Reminiscing.

Listening to those 5 songs brings back some of the greatest memories from that night. Sometimes I wish I could rewind the clock and relive that day over again. It was one of the best days of senior year.

If only.

So my roommate got this bag from Target which I loveee. Sigh I love coral and the bag is super cute. Ahh want aha. Oh well. I'll look at it from afar lol. Practice was alright today. I can't help but talk fast so I'll try my best to pause more often with my lines. I know I read fast because I get really nervous. I don't know how I'll dress like a hipster but we'll see. I still got quite a lot of homework left to do too. Oh this weekend will be something fun I guess. I've been pretty sad this week. School and stuff for the play has been stressing me out so much. I feel like I don't have time for me anymore. So much stuff is due and I feel like I can't stay on top of it all. Physics is the one class that makes no sense. I don't remember all this Chem stuff so I'm confused on that as well. I went to WOW reunion too and got to see a few people. I had to leave early for play practice, but I enjoyed playing Wii a lot lol. Plus I won twice during the first game where we chase Mario and once during the second game where you need to find the ghost. That was very entertaining for sure. But only one thing is making me happy and it's talking to you. I just wish you felt the same though. Earlier I was listening to Red Roses~AJ Rafael and the one line that was stuck in my head was "I wish I woulda asked you to be my valentine." Too bad I'll never have the guts to do so and you won't ever feel the same way. Good night world & hopefully you aren't stressing like me :]

Friday night.

Consists of taking notes, listening to music, and taking webcam photos to avoid taking more notes. Oh joy aha. And all I hear is loud music outside and people screaming/yelling every now and then. College life...

I can't say I'm truly happy.

So sad right?

It's quite sad.

I'm only 3 days into my Winter Quarter and I'm already done with the quarter. It feels so long and never ending. I already wish this was the last week of the quarter. I'm only into one class which is CE 112. Math isn't too bad. I'm mostly struggling in Chem and Physics (more in Physics). I got a long time to go and I'll do my best even though I'm in no mood to do anything right now.

Hah.

I guess I'll never understand why feelings can't disappear. No matter how much I wish it could happen, it won't. So I sit here and hope that someday the person you'll end up with will be as happy as I am with you. I need to get over this soon. Why me.

Back in SLO.

Well after 4 wonderful weeks of break, I'm finally back at school. Unpacking took me like 2 hours. Didn't do much honestly besides that and use a meal. It feels odd being back, but I'll get back to my daily routine like before. So this break I watched Pitch Perfect, She's the Man, Bridesmaids, Step Up Revolution, The Art of Getting By, The Amazing Spiderman, A Cinderella Story: Once Upon A Song, The Vow, You Again, How To Deal, and I Am Number Four. 11 movies haha. I also rewatched Wreck It Ralph in theaters so that's 12 lol. I sure got a lot done. I have play practice 3 times this week and I hope I do well. Other than that, I hope I don't oversleep this quarter and do well! I can't wait (sort of) and I'm nervous, but I got this. Time to eat some dinner. Good night world :]

A walk down memory lane.

My friends :)

I can spend so much time talking to people and never realize how long it's been. I just spent 2 hours talking to Jay about the most randomest things. We always jump around from subject to subject and I'm not sure how, but we talk about so much. Today has honestly been a good 2nd to last day. My friends make it worth it at the perfect times.

The happiness I feel is immeasurable.

I sure loved hanging out with my girls yesterday. They always know how to bring a smile to my face and laughter throughout the day. I'm going to miss them so much when I leave this weekend. I wish we could've spent more time together. Time goes by way too fast. Summer needs to come by already so we can spend more time together, share our crazy college stories, and become closer. 3 more months until I see them again (hopefully). If not, then it's 6 months, which is very long, but there's always Skype or Oovoo. Oh college. Valerie just posted the sweetest thing on my wall and now I'm even more happy. At least I have a penpal now. Man I'm going to miss my friends so much.

It's a new year!

Time sure flies by and now it's 2013. I can't even believe it sometimes. I bet when I go back to school I'll be writing 2012 on everything. So much has happened already. Way to begin a new year right? That's both good and bad. If things don't change, I don't care. A new year means new ways of looking at things. I guess we'll see how this year goes. Hope you guys' is going well. Good night world :]