Finally.

Things seem to be slowly turning around. After about half a year with things going downhill, they're finally getting better now. Finally. I've been waiting so long for this and it's happening. I'm  sure glad it is too. I just want things to get better and it's getting there, even if it does take a while, but I see the change and that's all I want. Good change.

If only.

Sometimes I wish you realized how much you mean to me and the time and effort I put in just to talk to you. You're always busy with school and stuff and we hardly ever talk now. Kinda sad cause we usually stop halfway in our conversations. If things are like this now, well things will surely be worse in a few months. I'm still trying to make this right, but the more I try, the more hopeless I feel. I'm giving 100% but I can't say the same for you. Things may never be the same again and I wonder if you see that. I really don't know anymore, I really don't.

Thank you.

I'm truly grateful for everything I have and everyone I have met so far. Life just wouldn't be same. Thank you to those who have supported and guided me to help me get this far in life. I couldn't have done it without my family and friends. It really means the world to me. My parents have done so much to help me be where I'm at. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be here doing what I'm about to do. I have my future ahead of me, all doors open, because of their love and motivation to help me achieve dreams. You are my solid foundation and nothing will ever change that. So thank you for never giving up on me when I gave up or else I wouldn't have accomplished so much. I am here because of you guys. You gave me the mindset to do what's best for me and that's what I'm doing. Not only for me, but to make you guys proud.

Hmm.

I don't blog much when nothing happens in my life xD So that means my life gets boring, a lot. Great haha. So today was Angela's Birthday and sadly, I couldn't make it. I had a ride, but then problems occurred and I couldn't go. Hopefully she had a great one either way :D Man I realized every time I give out my address, I end up not going places -___- The movies, the "camping" trip, Angela's party. Every. single. time. How sad. Well I won't be blogging for the next few days, and if I do, then nevermind, but I can't wait for what's to come this week :D Good night world :]

What a lovely day.

I'm so happy for Jessi that I don't even know where to begin. Today has amazing written all over it lol. I got to enjoy a wonderful moment in Jessi's life and I'm glad I got the chance to be there to witness it. It was very small, just the 3 of us sitting at the ceremony, but it was so memorable. You could just see how happy she was standing up there with him. After the ceremony, we took pictures and then ordered our food. Angelica and Valerie got there during lunch and we all just talked. Afterwards, Jessi threw the roses instead of her bouquet and it was just hilarious. The order was: Valerie, Angelica, Kenia, Mary, Me, and Dalia. I wasn't even trying so I don't care xD It was funny cause Valerie and Kenia were soooo eager to get a rose first, it was chaotic. Kenia dropped hers, and what was even worse was that her rose fell off and I couldn't stop laughing cause she made it so dramatic. I was almost crying because it was just too funny xD Then we made toasts, ate cake, they opened their gifts, and took more 

pictures. Overall, the wedding was sweet and simple, which was perfect. Afterwards, the rest of us ended up going kayaking which was crazy. All the girls were in their dresses and Manora came with us. I got soaked from the wind blowing the water, Mary and Valerie splashing me, and even me splashing myself xD I kept getting Mary wet and I felt so bad. First for everything lol. I couldn't stop the paddle from splashing. We just hung out for the longest time and Valerie and Dalia even stood up on their kayaks. Crazy if you ask me haha. After we got off, we all stood up to dry off and saw this guy in his kayak repeatedly flip himself into the water and back up. It was so random but it was hilarious. We sat on a bench and relaxed after that work out xD I got tired so many times while paddling. I'm so weak >.< Mary and I ended up going to Chipotle 

 and Manora and Valerie went to go pick up Angela. We went to find Dalia afterwards since they were going to Kevin's and Mary dropped me off at home. Today was crazy from the beginning to the end, but the excitement of it was there throughout the entire day. It's definitely a day that I know I won't forget. I even did two of the things on my summer list. 

8. Have lunch or dinner with a friend

I knocked two birds with one stone today. I also went to Chipotle with Mary after we went kayaking. Man today was such a busy day the more I think about it. I had so much fun overall :D I'm finally working on finishing my list now. Two down, about 32 more to go xD Until I add more...

1. Go kayaking

Wow I end up doing the first thing on my list first haha :D What a coincidence. So I went kayaking today after the party with Dalia, Angelica, Valerie, Manora, and Mary. Oh man it was so much fun. If only I wasn't wearing a dress... But still had such a great time relaxing and hanging out. I really want to go do that again :D

Woot woot.

I finished reading the entire driver's manual today. This studying thing is working pretty well so far :D Went to the dentist and that's about it. Didn't do much today. Man number 32 is going to be interesting. I'm starting that one today xD 

Blah.

Nothing to really blog about except I'm finally studying for my permit test. Yes, finally. I plan on reading half the book everyday until I go so I'll know everything by the time I take the test. I have about a week to go, but that's not stopping me :D

Why do I still care?

I really wish I didn't.

Partyyy.

I'm trying much harder to blog more nowadays. With school beforehand, I would never have time to really blog that much, but now I can :D Hopefully I don't get too lazy. So Saturday was Erin's Debut and Sunday was Father's Day & Angelica's Graduation Party. On Saturday, I got to see everyone, relax, and hang out. It was decorated very nice and we ate food first. After that, they had all the 18 roses and roses walk in and there were a few speeches. Then there was the father and daughter dance and then the 18 roses & 18 candles. Erin cut the cake and there were some more speeches afterwards. Then the party began and everyone started dancing. It was a lot of fun hanging out with everyone and being able to spend an important night in Erin's life. I had a heart to heart conversation with

Valerie while we were "wandering around", which hasn't happened for a long time now. Most importantly, I had a great time and I loved it :D On Father's Day, my uncle and his family came over and we all spent time at my grandpa's house. I mostly watched America's Got Talent and American Ninja Warrior xD Also, I talked to my sister about her trip since she barely got back. Then we went to Angelica's Graduation Party and there was a lot of people. She said it was all her family and friends and we ate food. The nachos were amazinggggg >.< My weakness haha. I would've ate more if we weren't eating out after or even taken some home if I could xD Valerie was just clumsy with the beans xD Oh man, beans haha. She was also challenged by this little boy to do flips, which was hecka

funny. We had to leave early, but Angelica opened her gift and I really hope she liked it. Then my sister and I had to go out to eat with our family since it was Father's Day. We all had a meal together and even saw Carrie and Carmen. We always run into them there lol. It was a very fun weekend and I'm glad I got to spend a lot of time with my family and friends. That's all I could ever ask for :]

To think it couldn't get worse.

So last night/this morning, I had a nightmare where you tried taking my life. Even in my dreams, I can't be happy with you around. What is this? I mean it's bad enough as is, but it was on the BEST day I ever spent with you. Like really? What the heck. Now I can't forget about it since there was blood in the nightmare. Why does this happen to me? It just had to be the happiest day we had together too. How does this even happen? I know I looked at pictures of us before I slept, but you taking my life? Everything was fine until he transformed into you. Oh man, what is wrong with me...

Summer List 2012.

1. Go kayaking

2. Go camping

3. Get my permit

4. Stargaze

5. Read some books

6. Do something I normally wouldn't do

7. Learn how to swim or try to

8. Have lunch or dinner with a friend

9. Go someplace new

10. Ride a ferris wheel or go to a carnival*

11. Work out

12. Write those letters

13. Learn how to cook
14. Have a silly string fight*
15. Go fishing
16. Get rid of bad habits
17. Watch the sunrise or sunset (preferably sunset)
18. Take photobooth pictures
19. Watch fireworks
20. Pull an all-nighter
21. Have a picnic
22. Watch movies all day
23. Have a water balloon fight
24. Clean up all the stuff on the floor in my room and organize it
25. Work on my photo albums
26. Go vegetarian for a day
27. Take lots of pictures
28. Blog more
29. Eat Korean BBQ or Pho
30. Learn how to push myself on a swing
31. Get a personalized leather bracelet*
32. Beat 2000 FreeCell levels in order
33. Beat Kevin at WWF

34. Tell someone how I really feel

35. Enjoy every moment and don't let people bring me down


*Don't really care if these happen or not but it'd be cool if they did.
Well I got my summer worked out for me hahaha. I'm really going to try and finish most of this :D Hopefully it's possible >.< What am I getting myself into? lol.

Senior Bucket List (last update)

1. Stargaze with someone or with a group of people :D

2. Say no to someone if it's a favor that I don't want to do.

3. Go to a concert.

4. Learn how to make a 3D Panda and firework origami.

5. Take 500 pictures with my camera for my Senior Album (Random number haha) I'm at 582/500.

6. Read 8 books of my choice (5/8)

7. Do something really random or different.

8. Apply for 20 scholarships (something has to be academic lol) 22/20

9. Buy someone a singing card :D & bake someone something

10. Make 7 bracelets on my list of bracelets I wanna make for myself (PacMan doesn't count)

11. *Pending*

12. Be with the people who make me happy and make endless memories :]

13. Match shirts with a guy.

14. Sing in the rain :D

15. Try 3 new places (restaurants or fast food) that I haven't been to.

Well for number 6 I finished reading Mockingjay (finally). I need to keep on reading this summer. I definitely finished number 8. I think I did more than 22, but for sure, I know I did a lot :D Didn't make any bracelets for myself. I should just change that to 3D origami xD Number 12 definitely happened, and it won't stop with the end of my senior year. In all, I finished 8/15 things which isn't too bad. I never finish these things. Not even sure if I did number 2 lol. Well my summer list will be coming up shortly :D Thanks to Erika, I actually remembered to update this and start my new list.

Oh man.

While watching Say Yes To The Dress:

Me (enthusiastically): Lice!

Brandy (laughing): Lice?

Me (realizing what I said): Wait, I mean lace!

Angelica.

The letter she wrote to me was just so heartwarming. Man every moment spent was so memorable from the beginning until now. She's been there for me from the start, my best buddy until now, and nothing will change that. She doesn't know how lucky I am to have her in my life. I was so close to crying while reading her letter. All those memories, great times, and moments spent together, will always be in my heart. The crazy dances to prom to random days hanging out, it's all been too great. Wait until I start her letter haha. This is only the beginning too. Well I should start those letters soon, but I'm not ready to do so just yet. But reading that first letter just made everything better. If I ever show her this (which will be soon), I won't go breaking any hearts. And if I do, you'll be one of the few to know ;D That really made me laugh when I was reading it. Her letter gave me so many emotions, from laughter (a lot of it too), to flashbacks, to smiling, to almost crying, but most importantly, knowing that I'll always have her as a friend no matter what happens. This is only the beginning of a long friendship and that I can count on for sure. So Angelica, thank you for all that you've done. I really don't know what high school would be like without you. I don't even want to think about it because you definitely made it better than it could ever be. We'll have a lot more memories to come and stories to share "til we meet again." (I really loved that part of your letter.) I'm already writing a letter on here haha. I'm going to save the rest now xD But from the bottom of my heart, thank you for all that you've done for me. Not only have you become one of my closest friends, but you changed my life, and not many people can do that :]


P.S. Thanks again for inviting me to your graduation party. I had so much fun :D

Well that's enough sappiness for one night. Good night world :]

"Cause the day I thought I'd never get through, I got over you."

Over You~Daughtry

I wish you knew how much pain you put me through. To think I've gotten over it, but I haven't. Every time I see you, a part of me just remembers every little thing that I want to forget. I only want to remember the good memories, but all I have are bad ones and I can't forget them. I guess you caused me so much pain that I can't look past that and it hurts. Seeing you today just made it even worse. I thought I was fine, but I guess I'm not. Not after the way you treated me. I hope you're happy because I don't know when I will be. Not until you're out of my memory. I'm over the past and no longer thinking about what we had. I can't wait for the day when things get better, but until then I can only hope. Right now, you aren't even trying, which kills me. And that's how I got to where I am today. You don't care. It's the other half I don't like, but you'll never know. Why must it be half of you I like when it should be whole? Things changed, we changed, everything changed. If I could, I would take all those feelings back so we wouldn't be this way, but I can't. I just need to move on and try to make things right, again, or forget about it cause we've gotten no where.

You know when you got something good.

Today made me realize how much I really do appreciate everything in my life. From spending time with my parents and grandparents to eating out with my moms friends to webcamming, it was a very memorable day. So I went with my parents to go get some paperwork they needed and on the car ride they were telling me about stories when I was younger. It's just heartwarming to hear them especially when they're funny. Then I got bad news that my grandpa's sister passed away. My best wishes goes out to the whole family. Not something I expected, especially since I never met her before, but I hope my grandpa's okay. I don't really hear him talk about his sisters that much besides the one in New York, but he seems to be so strong. She lived a long time too, 94 years, which is amazing. As long as she's in a better place now looking over us, that's all I could really hope for. I got to make "chinese tamales" too which was fun :D Even though one was kinda loose I guess you can say haha. Then my grandma made this jumbo one. It was just hilarious. After we got home, I finished baking the gifts, and I'll wrap them up tomorrow. Excited for the debut :D Finally get to see some classmates lol. I can't wait. Then I just relaxed until my mom told me that she was going to eat Pho with her friends so I decided to tag along. Better than staying home doing nothing. I got a number 2 and man it was good. The noodles were amazing :D The meat was pretty good but I liked it all haha. Ran into James too. After we went to Lion King which brought back memories of the past. Haven't been there for the longest time. Lots of flashbacks today that's for sure. Came home and watched tv with my mom. We were watching Say Yes to the Dress and Randy to the Rescue which was fun bonding time. I don't know why but I just love watching wedding shows xD Nice to see people happy haha. Talked to Brandy for a bit. Sounds like she's having fun, but she'll be back tomorrow. Can't wait to see the pictures and hear about the trip. Also webcammed with Kenneth for a long time. Surprised I didn't pass out cause I was so close too. Even now, I'm about ready to sleep soon. Listening to music on Felmer's page. He has a good taste in music haha. So yeah, it's been a good day. Even though that dream this morning was wack. I mean  Earth was being attacked and our senior class had to save Earth. I've been watching too many action trailers for movies or something xD Weird cause some people in our class was like against us, but then at the end we won. I, of course, was sitting with you two which didn't surprise me. Right when I think I'm forgetting, something always happens. As much as I try to forget, I can't. I guess it can't end this way either. Staring at you in my dream was just so weird. I mean I think I'm fine, but seeing you is just different. So I don't know if that dream is like a sign or what. Whatever it is, I guess I'll find out soon since I'll be seeing you. Still a good day with all the craziness xD It just made me realize how lucky I am to have what I got. A loving family, great friends who are there for me, and memories that I don't want to forget. Party weekend now haha. Good night world :]

"Dont forget the past that made you whats next."

Well I can't find a link to the song besides this http://ako-felmer.tumblr.com/ so there's not much I can do haha. I checked youtube and everything. It's at the music player on the bottom but it's a good song :D Original and unique.

Aww.

So yesterday I was watching Say Yes to the Dress and the bride-to-be talks about how she met her fiance. I heard the cutest story where the guy proposed to her at the same place he asked her to be his girlfriend. So cute :D I'm watching new episodes of it now. And this is how you spend a Friday night when you're alone xD

Pho time.

Woot woot :D

You don't get to choose who you fall in love with.

It just happens.

Worst news.

Knowing that I might not receive any kind of financial aid is heartbreaking -____- Man how am I going to pay for college cause I really don't know. Even if financial aid wasn't much, it was way better than getting none at all. This hurts.

You know what's going through my head right now?

"I'm so annoying I'm so annoying I'm so annoying."

Not even kidding >.< It's like a song too.

Only me.

Yes, only I would stay up this late (1:36AM) to finish a scholarship so I can mail it out tomorrow and make it in on time. Why am I so lazy D: I need to prioritize my life. Seriously. But overall, today has been a very good day. Fun webcamming and the random messages on Facebook. It's been interesting, but I hope she's having fun hours away from home. Waking up at 8:50AM sucked, but it was worth it. I hope he gets better soon. I hope I get all the stuff for these gifts soon too. I'm tired of going out of the house when I want to be in my pjs studying for my permit test >.> It's HECKA hot too which sucksss. Can't wait for tomorrow night. Good night world :]

"There is a missing beat inside of me The rhythm of my heart hits unevenly."

Missing Piece~David Choi

So I was watching Away We Happened-Episode 4 and man it was way too funny and cute! I swear, even I got butterflies cause it was so sweet. The song Missing Piece was in the video, and I loved it :D I can't wait for the episodes to keep going. I like them so much and all the songs fit so well too. Oh man I love this episode and song. I can really relate to the song which makes it even more likable. Good night world :]

Thank you Sammy.

For helping me realize how I've been pushing her away, when I should be spending as much time with her as possible. Thank you. When I realized it, I almost cried because I'm such a terrible daughter. I always complain about stupid things and I'm sorry. I wish I could be what you want, but I know I can't. I'll make it up to you somehow. I'll try my best to. Good night world :]

You need to stop making excuses and actually try.

You won't get anywhere in life if you just complain.

It's been a very good day :D

So today I went to a housewarming/birthday Party for my uncle's family and my cousin. We got there hecka early before everyone so we just hung out for a while. Then we started watching America’s Got Talent cause we were bored and I had the remote. I wasn't sure what else we could watch so we just watched that. Soon enough, people started arriving at the house, but it wasn't really anyone I talk to or see at all. I haven't seen most of them before. Then later I saw people I saw before or looked familiar. I got to spend some time with family, especially my cousin. We just hung out all day upstairs, downstairs, and in the jumper. We were literally all over the place lol. The whole time we had to listen to people sing good/really bad on karaoke. It was not a pretty sight most of the night. We were trying to run away from that, but it's hard when the volume sounded like it was at 50. During lunch, I got a call from a Withheld number but I answered anyways. It was from Kaiser and they said that I'm a recipient for their scholarship and basically I couldn't stop smiling after that xD After getting rejected yesterday, this is the best news I've heard in a veryyy long time. Later I had some of my uncle's amazinggggg barbecue ribs. We even brought some home :D Yummy lol. Then we went upstairs and started playing Monopoly cause we got so bored. After we quit that, we went outside and met Payton :D I'm pretty sure it was a she, but she is the neighbors cat. She kept coming over to the party and entering the house at random times. I even kneeled down to pet her and she jumped on my lap and sat there :3 It was so cute :D I was just like ahhh don't leave me lol. Then I had to carry her across the street back to the neighbors :( I kept wanting her to be kidnapped back over xD Not even kidding about this last part. I wouldn't mind being a cat lady now hahaha. She was striped too and the colors blended so well. I sound obsessed now >.> Anyways, we went to the park near their house and hung out on the playground. I got to watch the sunset, sort of. It was setting and I looked every now and then. After we got tired of the playground, we rode scooters down the steep hills. Then I saw the portable ramps and was like :DD Oh hey haha. There was even this really long one too that we all went on xD So much fun! I know what we're doing next time we go over >:D It was fun spending the whole day with family though. I really enjoyed it and needed a day like today. I also finished my sister's penguin too. I got a lot done. To end off the night as we were walking to the car, since they live on a slanted hill, I got to see the lovely city lights. Breathtaking view. I wanted to stand there all night and just watch it all glow. It was already getting dark at the playground so some houses were turning on their lights, but it was even nicer an hour later. I passed out in the car on the way home, well more like I got shut eye and tried sleeping, but I never really pass out anymore. Still nice lol. Then I swear I saw him but I don't know if it was him or not. Looked sort of like him, but I was so tired that I wasn't paying any attention. He's not on AIM so I can't ask him, but yeah, it would be freaky if it was. Anyways, I think I blogged enough for a night. I hardly blog much now. Must study, study, study for that permit test. I hope I see Payton<3 again. Good night world & have a great week :]

I want some heels.

I never thought I would ever say that.

Please know that all I want is for you to be happy.

So don't worry about me.

Long day.

Well I got up at 5:25AM to get ready to go help at the election poll and it’s been a longgggg day already. It’s been 6 hours and there’s basically no one. Like 10 people came in and another 10 or so just dropped off their ballots. Ahh, about 7 more hours to go, but at least it’s not too boring.

It's been good.

So today went from kinda boring to amazing lol. First off, I didn't have much to do so I got off the computer (shocker) and watched some television and folded more paper. Then I ended up going back on cause my dad took over the television so I was stuck back on the computer. I need a productive life. Starting tomorrow or Sunday even. What am I going to do with my life... So after that my parents let me and my sister go see a movie with my friends. We went over to her house and hung out, played random games, watched people fall into the pool and get chased around, ate food, and relaxed. It was fun spending time with them. It's like we haven't graduated yet. Then we went to the theaters and watched The Avengers. Three movies on one week. This is a new record because I hardly watch more than 2 movies a year LOL. Yay xD It was funny watching it again and I caught things I didn't the first time. Prices are outrageous though. Afterwards, we hung out in the parking lot and waited for my dad. Creepy guy kept watching us and driving in circles basically. I think I saw two people I used to know in middle school, but I'm not really sure. Honestly, I remember faces way better than names so it was most likely them. Oh well, not like they remember me. So yeah that was fun though. Being with friends always makes me happy. Now tomorrow, I get to spend time with family :D It's been a great balance lately. I might finally get to take those pictures with my friends so I'm really looking forward to that. I totally forgot Manora takes pictures too so it's perfect. When I think back about the past 4 years, I always wished I could have gotten to know people more and he's one of the few. I never really talked to him much other than government and that one time outside of english but he's a really nice guy and I wish him the best in the Army. He'll definitely succeed and I hope that I find what I want to do as well. Good night world & have a great weekend :]