Everything's right and in place.

I like it.

Thank you for everything James.

I just realized.

I can eat unhealthy again xD

A night to remember.

Well prom was definitely crazy fun. It was nice spending it with the people who mean so much to me and I really enjoyed every moment of it. So sad when my aunt started crying D: I was tearing up too and it was just all bad. I'm so grateful to be able to share my day with her and my uncle since my parents couldn't be there. I wish they could have been there, but my uncle and aunt were my parents for the day :D All picture taking was fun even though 3 hours still wasn't enough xD We got to the restaurant kinda late too >.< Then random people kept complimenting me on my dress or talking about it when I walked by. I was like uhh okay haha. A little girl said I looked like a princess xD Made me feel special. Walking in the city was pretty since it was getting late and the stores were all lit up. I can't believed I stayed in heels the entire night. I was just so use to it even though it hurt a little when I stood for too long. But yeah, James was a great date and I really had fun. I couldn't see myself going with someone else and I hope he had a good time too. Overall, the night was definitely one to remember. What I really liked a lot was dancing outside under the stars. That was something that doesn't happen much. The day went by so fast, but the memories will last forever :]

It's been a while.

I haven't realized how busy I've been all week that I haven't even had the chance to blog. Quite sad. Most of the stress is already over though. After Prom and once the Career Project is due, it'll get better hopefully. I'm getting nervous about tomorrow now >.< I'm so excited yet I know something is bound to go wrong... Great. My feet are gonna be killing me though D: Whatever, I just need to enjoy the night. Good night world :]

It's like my motivation jumped out the window and decided to never come back.

I'm not even joking when I say that. I've lost all my motivation after that SF trip >.> Whyyyyyyy. I can't even finish ONE assignment which is just a paragraph response about someone for english. I haven't even practiced my booktalk either. Life kinda sucks right now. Good night world :]

San Francisco Trip.

So yesterday I went to the Cherry Blossom Festival in SF. It was pretty fun going back again and spending the day with my friends that I hardly even get to see at school. It's nice to get out every now and then. We took Amtrack and the ride there was pretty fun. I saw this guy who kept on glancing over/vice versa. I thought that would be the last time I'd see him again after we went on the bus so I was like whatever. Once we got there Mrs. Jara allowed us to just hang out instead of walking all the way to the festival. We ended up eating at The Cheesecake Factory. I ordered the Fettuccini Alfredo with chicken and it was pretty good. When I was ordering I pronounced it Fettusini and Daniel our waiter said it was called Fettuchini and I was like -_____- I knew I was gonna pronounce it wrong xD Dalia kept on laughing too but I guess it was okay. At least it made sense the way I said it lol. Daniel was hecka nice too which I why I gave him an additional tip with everyone else. After that, we went to Macy's to help Param and Mary look for prom dresses. I'm glad me and Mary found Param's dress :D I felt accomplished lol. We got to meet Hannan's brother too. Oh we saw two of those hearts of San Francisco which was cool since I never saw one before. We went to the bus stop afterwards which took like 15 minutes >.> We went to Japantown and went shopping at one of the stores. It was very cheap and one of the workers was like stalking/staring at me. I later went up to him and asked him a question hahaha. I found it kinda funny but he wasn't that bad looking. I got duck earphones which I loveeeee. Thanks to Dalia and Mary for showing me them. Everything in the store was hecka cheap too which was good. We left cause we were running out of time and headed to a bus station. Bernadette and Bren got there too late and the bus left. It was sad just seeing them on the other side of the street while the bus left. I loved standing on the bus even though everyone was like "sit down Amy" and I'm like -___- I really did like standing while no one else did xD Eventually we got back, but had to wait for Bernadette and Bren. We were the last ones to get there, but we all made it on time to get on the bus. I also witnessed a robbery outside the mall which was scary. I remember Pacific telling all the girls to hold onto their purses cause you never know what could happen. Yeah good thing cause that could've been me. Scary thing to witness firsthand too. The ride back was fun too. Guess who I see at the Emeryville station? The guy from that morning who I saw before I got on the train. I was just like wow, out of all people lol. Anyways we just hung out for a while since we got back hecka early. Eventually we got on the train and played random games like 10 fingers and a new one they made up called What's what. It was funny cause we had to either come up with 2 truths, 2 lies, or 1 truth and 1 lie and the person after us had to guess if the statements were true/false. I got everyone with the handholding one ;D I'm surprised everyone fell for it too. But yeah it was a fun ride. Did a lot of thinking when we were at Martinez waiting for a train to pass by. Yeah it was a fun day though. I was tired on train and when Mary said something about a hickey, the guy I saw from the morning walked by too. Hecka awkward. No idea why he was there though cause he wasn't even on the same cart as us o.O Anyways, Aman said something during What's what about Kevin which was hecka funny since she forgot he was there sleeping behind me xD Also, Bernadette and Bren were acting all couplish and Pacific hecka called them out. It was a very fun trip though. I needed a day like that to get away from everything. I even witnessed a fire on the way back which was small, but I never seen a fire so close before. It was pretty cool in my opinion. I'm sad we didn't talk much though. I seriously think we talked for less than 5 minutes on the entire trip. The more I think about it, the more it seems like things aren't meant to be. I guess this is what happens. We're just strangers again. Sad, but true. Anyways I had fun and I wish I could go again next year. Time to finally start on homework. I woke up at like 1:00PM xD I was so tired and haven't slept much all week so I needed it badly. I attempted at starting homework but could never get myself to continue. I have quite a few things to do too. Well that's all for now.

I wish you knew.

I wish you knew how much you mean to me. I wish you knew how much I care about you. I wish you knew that I'll never replace you or find someone like you. I wish you knew how much I want to see you every day. I wish you knew how grateful I am to have you in my life. I wish you knew that my life has changed a lot since we've became friends. I wish you knew how much I appreciate and enjoy our conversations together. I wish you knew how comfortable I feel when we hang out. I wish you knew that I'm going to miss you. I wish you knew how I truly feel about you.

Re: It's over and done with.

I just went on Tumblr and of course a post explains the exact situation I'm in that I just posted like 5 minutes ago. Just my luck, but it's true.

"Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past. Stop planning the future. Stop trying to figure out precisely how we feel. Stop deciding with our mind what we want our heart to feel and sometimes we just have to go with “Whatever happens, happens.”."

It's over and done with.

Sometimes don't you just wish you could go back and change things. Like I'm appreciative for what happened, but the more the time goes by, the more I realize that maybe I did make a mistake. Maybe I didn't do the right thing. Maybe I've been lying to myself all along. I'm so confused right now. Yeah not much time left, but what's done is done. Even if I can't spend it with you, I have to make the most of it.

Honestly,

People always say negative things when something doesn't happen their way, but if things went their way, I can bet 100% they wouldn't even think about those negative things. Whatever happens influences the way we see outcomes, so of course, if things went the other way, it's obvious you wouldn't be saying those bad things. Funny how we see and think right? Not really. It's quite sad because even though others think they know the truth, maybe you just won't admit to yourself that it could be true. Deep down inside, you just don't want to admit defeat. So go ahead and complain all you want, but it never gets you anywhere. You'll only hurt yourself more.

FML.

Most stressful week of my life right now. Next week will be too...

So.

Well I finished my powerpoint in like an hour and a half. It's more of a final powerpoint than a rough draft >.< I still need to add a few more things, but I'm almost done. Just need to work on those journal logs..... Great. Must sleep. So late. I have the worst sleeping pattern right now. Still surprised he asked me that cause I didn't expect it. Good night world :]

FML.

Tomorrow might suck because it's almost 2:00AM and I'm not even close to being done with my career powerpoint. Oh FML. This is what I get. I even did the scholarship, cut the cake, stats hw, but not this. My aunt can alter the dress and I'm just like yayyyyyy :D She was so excited and so was my cousin. I can't wait. This week is turning out alright. Although I'm seriously stressing like crazy right now and I think I lost hearing in one of my ears o.o Oh man, someone help me. Good night world :]

Payphone.

I'm too nice for my own good sometimes, but I can't help it.

Sigh.

You're never happy with me. Never. Everything I like, you hate and vice versa. Not everything, but things that mean a lot or have importance to me. I feel like no matter how hard I try to get you to understand or side with me, you always do the opposite. I just feel like I get pushed down every single time. I never get the freedom that I need and want. I'll always be like this if things don't change and I'm sick of it. I'm tired of being forced to do things that I don't want to do. Why can't you just let me live and enjoy my life? Why is it so hard for you to just let me be happy? Mom, I wish you could understand. To think I found the perfect dress, but no, my mom points out every flaw about it and she basically hates it. I was so happy knowing I had the dress I really loved, but she killed it. I like having my moms approval because she's my mom and she's always been there for me, but now when I want her to just say that she likes it, she has to say all these bad things and it really hurt me. So now I'm just like FML cause my mom can't even agree on one thing that will make me happy these days. It's always her opinion first and not mines, and I don't know how much longer I can take it anymore. I think I'm having a mental breakdown. I know it's always been your best intentions to do what's best for me, but can't you see that I only want you to support me. Too bad she'll never know or realize it, and I'll be the one who takes it all in. I don't want to cry even though I'm on the verge of doing so right now. If only you knew what you were doing to me, but I guess not. Just give me a break for once... I'm tired of all this stress I've been building lately. Prom, homework, scholarships, colleges, and everything else just comes down on me at once. Like every little problem arises at the same time and the pressure is definitely on. If I could have 2 things right now it'd be: better time management skills and my mom to listen to what I have to say and feel. Well I rather not talk about this anymore. It's over and done, and I hope my aunt can alter the dress or else my mom wins once again and I'll be left unhappy as usual. I'd like to thank my other aunt for taking so much time in helping me find a dress though even if I got like 3 xD She's much more understanding when it came to shopping and finding the right things. Why can my mom understand? That's all I want her to do and instead she complains about it. Now I'm down to tears and I had enough for a night. Good night world.

Yeah.

I really hope I find a dress tomorrow >.< It's like my last chance and I'm praying I do. So yeah, still having late night chats with people. More like with a person today. If only it was always like this. Man cuff links and a clutch lol. So funny xD Good night world & have a great day :]]]]]]]]

Well.

This year has definitely had it's change of events. I've gotten really close to Angelica, yet I drifted from Valerie and even Debora. It's like everythings flipping opposite of what things use to be. It's weird. Good and bad at the same time too. But Iately, Angelica has really been trying to help me with all these problems I've been having. Like I can't stop thinking about whether or not I made the right choice that day. Was I pressured or was that what I really wanted? Cause honestly, even now, I'm still torn between them. Today was definitely a side of me I don't see or feel that often around others. I was so open and I definitely laughed like crazy. I even purposely walked that way to leave with you. I guess I just want to have a friend around that's all. I want to hang out before I leave and make the best of it. I'm going to miss you. Good night world & have a great day :]

Of course.

I can't go because my mom of all people doesn't trust me to hang out with a guy. Nothing more, but just hanging out. Really mom? I know you're looking out for me, but there's nothing more to it. Man I really am a sheltered child. I was looking forward to seeing the movie after 2 weeks, but I guess not. I feel bad for bailing out on you twice too. Oh freedom is what I need soon.

You're one of those few guys who I'm really comfortable with.

& I like it. There's no awkwardness whatsoever.

It's gotten so late already.

Time just flies all the time now >.> Okay I should really sleep. I'm having such bad habits these days. Good night world & I mean it this time :]

Maybe things are slowly changing.

That was one of the deepest conversations we had with one another. I honestly don't know the last time we talked so much about personal things like that. Well that one time I cried and told you, but anyways, I guess things do change. Now let's just hope they keep on changing. I'm not willing to lose you over feelings I once had. It isn't worth it. We talked a lot about the future, and well you surprised me. I do wish you the best in whatever decisions you make because it's your life. I'm talking to Angelica about personal things too and man I guess I'm not alone when it comes to my feelings, but she shows it differently than me. I just push people away. Sigh, maybe someday I'll learn not to, but for now, I'm just glad I have people there for me. Mary also knows what I'm talking about too. Having people who understand you makes life so much easier. I really hope that no matter where life leads us, we'll always find a way to reunite and talk to one another cause honestly, life without these wonderful people that I know and confide to just wouldn't be the same.

You know,

I'm really happy you confided with me. Even though you weren't willing to tell me before, I don't know why you did right now, but you did, and it makes me happy that you trust me :]

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

So yeah 11:22PM on 4/12/2012. The exact time I accepted SLO's admission. One of the craziest things I ever experienced. It was so nervewrecking, but this made my day. After finding dresses I liked, my mom and sister didn't really like them. We went around for 2 hours trying to find dresses, but there wasn't much. Then I got rejected again >.> The one time I thought I had a chance. So disappointing. But this, this just turned my whole day around. My dad told me to do what I felt was right, and honestly, I haven't felt that excited in so long. Now the future lies ahead of me with all the doors open and I'm ready to walk through one of them. It's only a matter of time before I do. Good night world :]]]]]]]]]]]]]

Laaaaaa.

Oh all these lovely songs :D It's 1:28AM and I might pass out tomorrow in class. Lovely... I need to finish this powerpoint and sleep >.< Ahhh, good night world & I hope I don't pass out :]

"Like ships in the night You keep passing me by We're just wasting time Trying to prove who's right."

Ships in the Night~Mat Kearney

Life can change in an instant. Never forget that.

I'm in love with that song ♥ But for some reason, it always reminds me of you. Not sure whether or not that is a good or bad thing. I went looking for dresses with Angelica and Oksana today. Found some good ones and got stuck in another >.> Long story short, the hunt should be over soon. Also, I plan on clicking that accept button tomorrow, but I might hesitate like I did yesterday. Praying for the best. Even though I have to leave everyone behind in a few months, I'll truly miss everyone. I'll be alone, but I'll never be far away. If only he knew. Good night world :]

Lame.

A guy and a girl can't hang out together without other people thinking there's more to it. Why? D:

Of course.

Well I can't go tomorrow, but maybe next weekend. I wanna see what happens in the movie! Man guys need to learn to let girls pay for themselves >.< It's generous and all, but girls can be ladies too. I'll find a way to pay it off :PP I'll blog tomorrow about CPSLO cause it's late and I keep forgetting. Good night world :]]]]]]]]]]

Honesty.

You can only lie to yourself or someone else for so long. Eventually the truth comes out.

"This is the last April 5th we'll be together."

When you said that yesterday, it broke my heart. I'm gonna miss my family and friends like crazy.

So sleepy -___-

I will blog tomorrow since I'm so dang tired. 4 hours of sleep does no good whatsoever. Good night world :]

This is random.

There's always that couple that looks really cute together and it makes me all giddy inside >.< They do those couplish things like matching clothes and it's just too sweet in my opinion. They look like they're meant to be together and it makes me happy. Oh I wish them the best :D

Hmm.

I'm excited to do my final project. I got two good ideas so I can't wait. Hopefully it turns out how I want it to. It's all a matter of how to decorate the top. I need to find a good icing/frosting recipe >.< Man, I hope Friday works out. Good night world :]

Haha wow.

I can be so oblivious. I thought you were hinting at the fact you wanted to go with me and it turns out you were haha. Hopefully something works out this week. Good night world & I hope everyone has fun at the barbecue :]

Why should someone else have to pay for your mistake?

They shouldn't, but they do whether it's by choice or not.

Looking for something that you know won't be there.

How to Deal~Frankie J

It's such a disappointment, but you do it anyways. It's not always because you want to, but you never know if something is going to be there.

Anyways I haven't blogged in a while because I've been sleeping really late and I don't remember until after I turned off my computer. So on Friday we went to the retirement home and man that was an adventure. Buying 29 plates for $2 at a taco truck. Yeah Valerie was really confused when I said that on the phone xD But hey, it was cheap. Mary also picked up Angela on the way and it was interesting trying to find her house with no address lol. At least we weren't completely lost. We got there about on time and I went around introducing myself trying to get people to talk to me, which didn't really happen >.< I'm too awkward. But eventually one man talked to me telling me I should braid my hair. Well he asked if I braid it, but I said no. Then I helped get some food for people and eventually I sat down next to this man and started a conversation with him. I really tried to talk to him and learn more about him. It was interesting the stories he would tell me and we laughed every now and then. I really did enjoy myself, except he never came back >.> I felt like I scared him away. But later I also listened to Katie and Ed about travelling they did before. It was amazing how Katie got to tour Europe and said Paris was beautiful. I swear, that is on the top of my things to do in life list. Then Ed spoke about how he went to New York for his 60th birthday and it sounded amazing. I want to go there too someday. So much travelling, but no money. That's a problem >.< But yeah it was a very fun day. The view was amazing and the people were all so friendly and nice. I really enjoyed myself. Afterwards we hung out in the McDonald's parking lot for a while in Dalia's car. We decided to go to Oz, which was pretty good. Oh man I think I'm getting sick. I just sneezed and I got a runny nose D: Time to speed blog. So we all just spent some time together. Valerie gave me the longest hug outside the restaurant for quite some time. I really do miss spending time with Valerie. I felt that this semester really split us up especially since I hardly see her, and if I do we're in class or she's busy. I hate this distance between us, but we have been trying to hang out more. On the ride home, I talked to Mary a lot about colleges and teachers. Typical conversations and that was the night.

Today I went to Profile Day at UOP which was fun. Similar to their Preview Day but it's more geared towards your major. I did learn more information, but I knew most of it from past experience. When we were at the Welcome Session, I thought I saw someone I knew and it turned out it was Andrew from Key 2 College. I don't think he saw me, but I glanced over a few times >.< I think I thought about him a little more than I would've expected. I ended up running into Pacific and Bernadette on our way out to the Academic Session. After that ended, we went to lunch and we sat by this guy and his mom who I sat next to at the Academic Session. It was a little weird since I just saw him, but his mom was nice. I saw Shelly, Brian, and Leanna. What's funny is that I never expected to see Brian ever again after like 7th grade or when he stopped going to Chinese School. Well I saw him one time years later at Chinese School, but that was it. So that was surprising. I ended up seeing Derek and this other guy from Key 2 College. I couldn't even remember Derek's name, yet I remembered Andrew's which is quite odd. Anyways, we left after lunch because I had nothing else I wanted to attend. Went to my grandmas to see family, baked cakes, and made the icing. I think it turned out better than last time too :D Well I hope it's not too sweet either. I'm still learning. Earlier I was talking to Kenneth about colleges and I'm so torn. Like I really don't know what's best for me right now. I'm not sure which school is better and offers me more. Such a difficult decision. We also talked about old TV shows we used to watch and things I didn't know about him. He brought up Frankie J and I automatically thought of How to Deal. It really fit, well the title anyways, with my whole college situation. It's just like I don't know how to deal with all of this, but I hope I figure it out soon and make the correct decision as well. Enough blabber, I need to sleep. I'm just passing out sitting in here bed. Hopefully this cold goes away soon. I don't want to be sick, but then again no one would want to be sick. Well some do. Okay enough of this. Good night world :]