It's been a while.

Man so much has happened since I last blogged, which I don't even know when that was. Anyways, I'm just up late doing statics hw. I really need to get this done so I can sleep. Must stop procrastinating so much :/ In other news, I feel like I'm falling for him. I can feel it after every time we talk to each other, especially recently. I don't want to go down this route, but I feel like it may already be too late. I just don't want to be let down like I have been in the past. All I can say for now is, I really miss you and I hope that you miss me too.

Sigh.

I wish I didn't care about you as much as I did. I get attached to people, sometimes too easily, and that can be a flaw at times. Maybe a time like this. As much as I try to let go, it's so hard to. I'm trying to push away my feelings, but I can't. It's been too long, way too long.

Finally.

I did it. I finally did it. I checked my grades and I did so much better than I expected. I'm so glad that my family and friends never gave up on me like I did to myself. They kept pushing me because they know that I have so much more potential than I show. I'm just glad things are better now. This is only the first step and I have such a long way to go. I have a lot to make up for, but I'm proud of myself for turning my life around. I went through such a rough quarter and I'm glad and hope that I learned my lesson. It has been so difficult, but I have to keep pushing myself. When I lose my motivation or hope, I have to keep going. I can't stop. I may have setbacks, but no matter what, I will keep going. Things will change if you make it happen. I really wish it didn't take me this long to notice, but I accept my mistakes. I'm glad I didn't repeat the same one again or else I wouldn't be in this situation. Now to start a new quarter soon and I'm going to take it head on. However, it feels so good to be home that I never want it to end. I got this, I know I do.

"You're my end and my beginning Even when I lose I'm winning."

All of Me~John Legend

I'm really lacking on blogging here these days :/ I feel like I alternate a lot between here or Tumblr. I can hardly do both and when I do, it doesn't last that long.

Random thought: I wonder when I'll meet or have feelings for someone who makes my heart skip a beat again. It's been a while since I've had feelings for someone, and when I do, I wish it would go away since that's all I think about. But now that I don't like anyone, I miss that feeling of liking someone. It's like love demands to be felt. Even when you don't want to have those feelings, it happens regardless. You don't have a choice. I guess this is what happens when you listen to love songs. John Legend, you found a way to make me want something I do and don't want. As I keep saying to myself all this time, the right time will come. I'm just going to keep living each day and it'll happen when I least expect it.

Unwell.

I honestly never thought this would happen, especially now. I think I'm going through stress, anxiety, and depression right now. I'm currently just out of my mind. I can't stop crying these past 2 days, and I really feel like I have no outlet. Everytime I try to do something, I'm just sad or don't even care. I feel bad if I'm giving my friends the wrong impression, but I'm suffering so much right now. It's week 9 and finals are a week from now, and this is the worst time to be losing it. School is driving my crazy and I really want a break. Just exhausted with everything, especially about school. I'm trying to reach out to friends and figure out what's wrong, and it's been helping. However, I'm not exactly changing my mood, so I need to talk to a counselor as soon as I can. I really hope things because this is not something I want to go through right now, but it doesn't seem like I have a choice.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore...

Bummed out :/

I really don't even know when was the last time I blogged. I'm using my Tumblr a lot more often, even though I don't blog much on there besides for my 365 Project. Anyways, I had breakfast with Jesse after class today and it was nice catching up. I do have to say, I'm pretty bummed out with my classes still. I know I shouldn't focus too much on my future classes, but I do want to graduate on time. He says some of my quarters would be way too much if I took some classes together. I honestly don't even know what to do. I'm trying to make it work, but it's so difficult at the moment. I'm definitely going to focus on my classes that I'm taking now, but I will go see my advisor soon so I can decide on what to take next quarter. Just so torn right now. I'm also no longer going to active retreat since I have a math midterm Monday which I really need to study for. I better not waste this weekend. I really need to do well in the class, and it's not even that difficult since I'm understanding the material. I have way too much on my mind. What I need is a nice long nap. Hopefully my day turns around because I need a little cheering up.

Back to school.

It's been soooo long since I last posted. I've been pretty busy, but I really should start posting more. College hasn't been too stressful yet. I'm doing alright in my classes so far, but hopefully it gets better. I miss my friends a lot from back home though. I've been out quite a bit too with my friends every weekend. I started doing service again and I can't wait to keep doing more this quarter. I'm excited for what this quarter will bring. I really hope I can get my grades up though. That is the number 1 thing I'm most worried about as of now. I have a lot of homework to do this weekend too. Hopefully it doesn't get too bad. Well no all nighters would be good and hopefully I can finish by 12am. We'll see how it goes! :D

Too much fun.

It was such a fun night with my friends. The girls went to Jessi's apartment to check it out before we went to dinner. We went to eat at a Viet Restaurant because I've been craving Pho for the past few months. We met up with the guys there and had so many random conversations. I definitely laughed a lot tonight, which is exactly what I needed. I miss hanging out with my friends even if I see them once a week. It's never enough compared to when we were in high school. Jessi told me one of the guys from her wedding was interested in me and I almost choked on my noodles because I thought she was kidding. Like it's hard to believe it when you don't expect it. My friends had my back though. I love them so much. Her parents thought one of my friends who went to help her before the wedding was my boyfriend which was kinda awkward. At least Jessi knew he wasn't and told them so. Why can't guys and girls be just friends without anything more? I swear, every time I'm in a picture with a guy or hanging out with one, people always suspect he's my boyfriend. We were also super loud in the restaurant because once one person was talking, it got suppper quiet in there. I loved the Pho. I finished the entire large bowl which I didn't expect. I got the cutest duck pillow/blanket thing and I can't wait to use it. In the car, it was pretty much craziness. Jessi and Devora didn't have their seat belts on and I was trying to talk to my dad. However, everyone was talking and screaming that he couldn't hear me. Then they yell random things you don't want to hear if you aren't there in person or else it doesn't make any sense. I'm sure my dad got really scared and confused because he told me to come home early. We went back to Jessi's place and watched the Guilt Trip. Apparently, Angelica and I both fit in the storage under her couch. It was such a fun night overall and even though I wish I ate dinner with my family, I'm glad I got to spend some time with my friends before I left. I felt terrible because my grandma made lots of good food for me before I went back, but I already arranged to meet with my friends. Such a great night with everyone and I can't wait to see them all again next time. I laughed like crazy which is exactly what I needed :]

Killing my mood.

Yes, everyone is titled to their own opinion, but sometimes you need to suck it up and go along with it. You don't have to hate everything. There's a bright side too.