How are you?

I don't know when my life started falling apart. When it all started going downhill. It was sometime this summer. All my friends are either busy or gone, I have no time for my hobbies unless I'm at work, and my happiness is sucked out of me. Everyone I love or care for is too busy with their own lives and problems. I take a step back and realize that everyone is moving forward but me. I'm stuck in a place where I don't look forward to many things anymore. Because somehow, it gets taken away from me. The only hope I hold onto is gone before my eyes. There's nothing I can do about it either. I've lost hope...

Gone.

I think I finally know why I love reading so much. It's the fact that I can get lost for hours in a book. I don't have to think about reality or my life at all. I'm stuck in another world that's not my own. It's like I'm in someone else's life, experiencing and feeling their emotions. It takes me away from the world around me and takes me to some place better.

What feelings?

I've never felt so alone before. How sad.

...

It took me a long time to realize this, but I'm crazy about him. I can't keep lying to myself. Only time can heal my broken heart. I will get over it someday. Hopefully.

"Give me love like never before,

'Cause lately I've been craving more,

And it's been a while but I still feel the same,

Maybe I should let you go"

Give Me Love~Ed Sheeran

Prepared.

Talking to you makes my day 100000 times better but too bad you'll never know. I slept so well this past weekend. I got 11 hours each night :3 It feels soooo goooood. I felt sleep deprived all summer until this weekend. Hopefully it happens again or more often now. I'm ready for week 4 of work. It's going to be a good week since I get to go on a field trip, see my friends, and do the Color Run. I'm stoked! Good night world :]

Exhausted.

I'm so happy I finally got to see my cousin yesterday. The last time I saw her was during Easter so it's been way too long. I wish we could've spent more time together. but spending time with her was perfect. We played Wii and Minecraft all day. My whole body is tired and sore now but it was worth it. Hopefully it goes away very soon because the last thing I want is to be tired during the Color Run. Then I'll be truly exhausted but I'm really looking forward to this week! Going on a field trip and hanging out with friends at the Color Run. I wish I had more free time but it's not too bad. Off to waste my Sunday now.

I love my job.

Well this is a very late post since I just got the picture today. This was from July 12, 2013 at Red Lobster for my supervisors birthday celebration for lunch. It was my first time going there and the bread was so good. I would go just for that aha. I can't wait until we all get to eat out again for whatever the occasion may be. I love being around everyone because they're all so friendly and helpful. It's only been 2 1/2 weeks, and I've learned so much already. I still have 7 weeks left and I know there's still a lot I have yet to learn. It's going to be sad when all the volunteers start leaving, which is next week until mid August. I'll be the last one left out of the 4 people I usually talk to, so that's going to be lonely. However, I'm glad I got to meet each of them and it's been a pleasure working with all of them. Good night world & have a great day tomorrow :]

Lol.

Today has been a good day. Not only because of the previous post I made earlier today, but I got my permitttt (again). Woot woot, it's like last year all over again lol. Just glad that's done with and I already scheduled my behind the wheel test which is in a month. Hopefully, I'll be ready by then. So my cousin Raymond is staying with us for a few days. Earlier he came into my room and was playing Pokemon on his Gameboy so I asked him to name all the Pokemon games because I was curious. After he started naming a few, I said one of them is called "Blue and White" and he got offended because it's really "Black and White." That was such a facepalm moment right there lol. I got confused and mixed up for a moment xD I said it so confidently too aha. Then later when we were eating, he brought it up and started laughing. I'm just glad he can spend a few days here since I don't see him too often with me being off at school unless I come home for break or something. It's only Tuesday and it's been a really good day. I need this after all that has happened. Also planning a trip to Boomers which I really hope works out! Good night world & have a good week :]

:3

The sweetest thing I've heard in a long time: "Well, I’ve always had the biggest Tumblr Crush on you." 

Emotions.

It's crazy how fast your emotions can change from one minute to the next. You can be happy right now, but next thing you know you'll be in tears. It's interesting how fast our feelings can change in an instant. It's hard to wrap my head around at the same time, but it comes to show that nothing lasts forever. Nothing.

Content.

Work has been fun lately. I finally got my computer but I don't use it that often since I don't know how to use the software. Plus there isn't that much work for me to do. I went on a field trip on Monday and that was a lot of fun. I hope I can go on Thursday too. I don't want to be the only one in the office xD That would be no fun aha. So yesterday I finally talked to James and we decided we're better off as friends because of the distance. It would be a lot of work since I would only see him like 3 times a year. I knew this would happen so I'm not heartbroken which is good. However it sucks because I want it to work out but I have to be realistic. I'm just glad we decided on whats best for both of us. Maybe in the future something might happen but I'm moving on and letting the feelings do whatever they'll do. Now I don't have to sit around and wonder all the what ifs which feels good. I'm just glad we can still be friends after all that has happened. It's interesting how we started off as friends and after all this, we're back to where we started. Funny how things work out right?

Whew.

I finished my first week at Caltrans! I haven't gotten much work since they are still reprogramming my computer, but hopefully by Tuesday, I can finally start doing work. I've only done some calculations and been to a meeting which isn't much. I'll be going out to the site on Monday which is exciting. I wish I was put into another project but this is honestly better than nothing. I really feel like I'm working. Let's just hope I'm not bored next week. Apparently it's been really obvious -__- I hope I can work for them someday because I love it there! Good night world :]

Honestly.

So I told myself I wouldn't think about it and honestly, it's been the only thing running through my mind. Well I finally decided on what to do and it's for the best. It's just a matter of time now. Work at Caltrans has been pretty long because I've been doing so much reading. I can't wait until I get to do more work and less reading because I've been falling asleep. It's not bad having an office job because I always wanted one. I just hope that after this, it'll make me want to learn more about this major. Good night world :]

On my mind.

I can't help but keep thinking 'what will happen next?' I honestly don't know what I want or what could happen. I'll just put it in the back of my mind and worry when the time comes.

I miss my high school friends.

I swear it's been months since I've seen everyone, but it was nice to finally hang out with everyone. Ever since we started college, everyone is busy and our schedules are so different that it's hard to coordinate events like this. I'm just glad many people got to go and we could all catch up and have some fun like the old days. It's nice to see how we have all changed over the past year. Afterwards, I went on a date with James to see Despicable Me 2 and it was hilarious. I loved the date scene with Gru and that random girl. We went to In N Out after that and overall I had a fun time. Not really sure how dates are supposed to go but I enjoyed myself. 2 more days until I start volunteering and I'm excited and nervous.

Yeee.

I finally got my laptop back today so I will be blogging away soon! Maybe sometime this weekend and I have so much to say! I went to New York for a week not too long ago which is also why I haven't been on at all. Then I locked myself out of my own laptop because I forgot the password. Never change your password because you're mad and always write it down somewhere. I have learned from my silly mistakes. In other news, I'm going on my first date tomorrow so we'll see how that goes. Hopefully good aha. Good night world & hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July :]