Sigh.

I wish I didn't care about you as much as I did. I get attached to people, sometimes too easily, and that can be a flaw at times. Maybe a time like this. As much as I try to let go, it's so hard to. I'm trying to push away my feelings, but I can't. It's been too long, way too long.

Finally.

I did it. I finally did it. I checked my grades and I did so much better than I expected. I'm so glad that my family and friends never gave up on me like I did to myself. They kept pushing me because they know that I have so much more potential than I show. I'm just glad things are better now. This is only the first step and I have such a long way to go. I have a lot to make up for, but I'm proud of myself for turning my life around. I went through such a rough quarter and I'm glad and hope that I learned my lesson. It has been so difficult, but I have to keep pushing myself. When I lose my motivation or hope, I have to keep going. I can't stop. I may have setbacks, but no matter what, I will keep going. Things will change if you make it happen. I really wish it didn't take me this long to notice, but I accept my mistakes. I'm glad I didn't repeat the same one again or else I wouldn't be in this situation. Now to start a new quarter soon and I'm going to take it head on. However, it feels so good to be home that I never want it to end. I got this, I know I do.

"You're my end and my beginning Even when I lose I'm winning."

All of Me~John Legend

I'm really lacking on blogging here these days :/ I feel like I alternate a lot between here or Tumblr. I can hardly do both and when I do, it doesn't last that long.

Random thought: I wonder when I'll meet or have feelings for someone who makes my heart skip a beat again. It's been a while since I've had feelings for someone, and when I do, I wish it would go away since that's all I think about. But now that I don't like anyone, I miss that feeling of liking someone. It's like love demands to be felt. Even when you don't want to have those feelings, it happens regardless. You don't have a choice. I guess this is what happens when you listen to love songs. John Legend, you found a way to make me want something I do and don't want. As I keep saying to myself all this time, the right time will come. I'm just going to keep living each day and it'll happen when I least expect it.

Unwell.

I honestly never thought this would happen, especially now. I think I'm going through stress, anxiety, and depression right now. I'm currently just out of my mind. I can't stop crying these past 2 days, and I really feel like I have no outlet. Everytime I try to do something, I'm just sad or don't even care. I feel bad if I'm giving my friends the wrong impression, but I'm suffering so much right now. It's week 9 and finals are a week from now, and this is the worst time to be losing it. School is driving my crazy and I really want a break. Just exhausted with everything, especially about school. I'm trying to reach out to friends and figure out what's wrong, and it's been helping. However, I'm not exactly changing my mood, so I need to talk to a counselor as soon as I can. I really hope things because this is not something I want to go through right now, but it doesn't seem like I have a choice.